American Died'ol

Way to Die #897
American Died'ol
Name of the death is a pun on the TV series "American Idol" and "Died"
If you want to be a star, you need equal parts ambition and talent. In her quest for immortality, Chantal learned one final lesson: You also need...to be... alive.
Information
Date	October 7, 2010
Location	Montclair, New Jersey
Episode this death was featured in	A New App Called Death
Deaths
Previous	Pop Goes The Cholo The Day the Magic Died (Production order)
Previous	Pop Goes The Cholo The Day the Magic Died (Production order)
Next	Batter Upped Mastur-bitten (Production order)
Next	Batter Upped Mastur-bitten (Production order)

"American Died'ol", Way to Die #897, is the sixth death featured in "A New App Called Death", which aired April 2, 2012.

Plot

A rather arrogant African American woman named Chantal deliberately cuts in line during a talent search for the next big pop music star in the musical reality show called Star Machine.

All of a sudden, a freak windstorm blows her umbrella out of her hands and sends it crashing down, wedging into her spinal cord like a spear and causing her to die from neurogenic shock, sending her to Hell so she can sing a song all she wants.

Transcript

Host: Star Machine is live, and is happening right now. Let's go. Make some noise!

(The host points to a crowd, and they cheer)

Narrator: It happens all across the country. A line of performers wait for their chance to prove to a television audience they have the right stuff to be a star.

Woman: And I got a little bit of Beyoncé going on.

Narrator: All they need is one shot...

Man: Fanny pack, fanny smack, gonna get your fanny from the back.

Narrator: and they will be the next big thing.

(Chantal enters singing)

Narrator: But rarely is there someone quite so full of themselves,

Chantal: Oh, look at this line of wannabes.

Narrator: quite so over the top,

Chantal: You can be one of my backup singers.

Narrator: than Chantal.

Chantal: You ain't got the moves like I do.

(Siameze, a talent show contestant, is interviewed)

Siameze: What you have to have to make it in this industry, must have a sense of yourself.

(Siameze singing)

Siameze: When I get on stage, I'm insatiable. They called me "Sexual Napalm". You know, I blaze the stage.

Woman: (Singing) Star Machine!

Narrator: If there's a camera rolling, you can be sure that Chantal will find it.

(She shakes her rump with another lady while a guy puts his between both of them. Chantal tries to cut the line, but everyone complains, and she moves to the back of the line. Later, she opens her umbrella and starts singing again.)

Narrator: Front of the line or back of the line, there's no shutting up this girl.

Chantal: This deserves the front of the line. Can't you see?

Narrator: But then a freak windstorm came out of nowhere.

(Chantal covers herself with the umbrella, screaming)

Narrator: Chantal's umbrella shot into the air...

(Chantal tries to reach for the umbrella, but covers her ears and ducks)

Narrator: But when something this lifted up by nothing but an inflatable ego and hot air, it'll come back to Earth. Just like Chantal's umbrella...

(Chantal's umbrella comes down full force, striking her in her spine)

Narrator: Right into her spine.

(Chantal drops dead, and the others look at her in horror.)

Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: This woman was very unlucky because the umbrella took just the right angle that it got between the bones...

(The umbrella strikes the CGI in the spine, sending it through the spinal cord, causing the CGI to stop breathing)

Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: which caused it to several the spinal cord. Her breathing would've immediately stopped, and she would've had a tremendous drop in her blood pressure. All of this is called neurogenic shock, which killed her.

(Recap, Impression Failure is playing)

Narrator: If you want to be a star, you need equal parts ambition and talent. In her quest for immortality, Chantal learned one final lesson: You also need... to be... alive.

Interviewees

• Janai Dionne - Chantal (Lead: Intended victim)
• Siameze - Talent Show Contestant
• Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan - Orthopedic Surgeon

Segment Nickname

• Pariah Carey (parody of singer Mariah Carey; Spike TV)
• Terrified Talent
• Chanta-Died (In 1777)
• The Dead Factor
• Tada Swift-Bitched

Foreign Names

• ¡Operación Muerte! (Operation: Death!) - Latin American Spanish dub
• Estrellada (Starry) - European Spanish dub (not named after the soda brand)
• Abgeschirmt (Shielded) - German dub
• Idolo ka Tumuliwan (Idol by Crashing Down) - Lazoran dub

Trivia

• Star Machine is a spoof of American Idol.
• This death is combined with The Day The Magic Died on the Spike TV website.
• This is based on the death of a young man poked in the knee by an umbrella.
• 10 Years after this episode was aired, an elderly South Carolina woman died in the same way. https://edition.cnn.com/2022/08/12/us/south-carolina-beach-umbrella-death/index.html
• The deathname in the Latin American Spanish dub may be a pun on the name of the singing reality show Operación Triunfo.

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