"Crib Your Enthusiasm", Way to Die #239, is the fourth death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.
Plot[]
Is there anything sweeter than welcoming a new life into this world? No, there isn't. And you won't find it on this show. The episode begins where Barnaby is decorating a room getting ready for his first born when really… the baby is Barnaby. He and his wife Candela have done a baby adult role playing for their fetish. One day, Barnaby throws a tantrum after she needs a break, throws his teddy bear out of his crib, and tries to get it back; but instead, because of him shaking the crib too much, the drop side part of the crib fell down onto his neck severing his cervical vertebrae which caused him to stop breathing due to losing control of his diaphragm, sending this freak to heaven.
Transcript[]
(Shows a man painting a room baby blue with toys and a lamp nearby)
Narrator: What a lovely scene. A young daddy preparing a nursery for his firstborn.
(He then puts up a block banner, puts together the walls of a crib, and applies decals to his wall. His wife coming into the room)
Candela: Baby's gonna love that.
Barnaby: I know.
(Barnaby then puts up a sign on the door that reads "baby's room")
Narrator: Is there anything sweeter than welcoming a new life into this world?
(The screen then goes sepia-toned)
Narrator: No there isn't. And you won't find it on this show.
(Candela walks into the room with a big smile on her face.)
Candela: How's my little baby?
(It then shows Barnaby, dressed in an adult sized onesie with a bonnet on his head, in a massive crib, acting like a baby.)
Narrator: "Daddy" is actually a weirdo named Barnaby. He gets off by dressing up in Snuggies and being treated like a baby.
Candela: Can you say mommy? Mommy?
Narrator: "Mommy" is his wife, Candela. His partner in perversion.
Candela: Such a good baby! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!
Narrator: Together, they've taken their fetish to a new level.
Candela: Yes!
Narrator: A man-sized crib, and the larger than life nursery add up to a completely over-the-top exploration, in adult/baby role-playing.
Barnaby: Baby wants a boobie! The booby!
Garran Jones (Adult Baby): Breastfeeding at my age, definitely seems...completely normal, and not a disorder because this is...my way of life. This is all I know.
(Barnaby is then breastfeeding from Candela)
Narrator: Baby Barnaby especially enjoys his feeding sessions.
Candela: Latch onto that nipple.
Narrator: And his diaper changes:
Barnaby: Dirty boy!
(Barnaby then pees on the wall in front of him)
Candela: Oh, naughty boy! Oh, goodness!
Barnaby: *Whines*
Candela: No, no crying! No crying!
Narrator: Even good babies have their moments.
Barnaby: *Cries loudly*
Narrator: Mommy's boobies need a rest.
(Candela puts a pacifier in Barnaby's mouth)
Candela: That's right. Yeah. Mommy's leaving.
Narrator: Sometimes, you need to let babies work it out by themselves.
(Barnaby spits out the pacifier and goes on a crying fit, tossing a teddy bear around in anger, hitting his mobile before throwing it out of his crib.)
Narrator: Now he's done it. Awwww, the rug-rat wants his furry back.
(Barnaby sticks his head and left arm through the gate trying to reach the teddy.)
Narrator: Barnaby's about to demonstrate why the government recently outlawed all drop-side cribs.
(Barnaby shakes his head around, causing the safety latch to get undone and the full weight of the gate to drop.)
Narrator: Uh oh, the little guy's got an owie. Does baby need a band-aid for his broken neck boo-boo?
(Flashback to the event)
Narrator: Drop-side cribs pose a risk for any baby. For this adult-sized one, the 25-pound gate dropped,
(Cuts to a CGI recreation of the gate dropping on the skeleton)
Narrator: with enough force to sever the spine, between the second and third vertebra. He lost the ability to control his diaphragm, and stopped breathing.
(What goes up is playing)
Narrator: Barnaby got his kicks by being treated like a baby; but then his fun was cut short by S.I.D.S.: Sudden Infantile Dumb-Ass Syndrome. Nighty night, you twisted little freak.
Cast and Interviewees[]
- Andy Gates - Barnaby (lead: intended victim)
- Lorn-Nicole Robinson - Candela (lead)
- Garran Jones - Himself (Adult Baby)
Trivia[]
- SIDS really stands for "Sudden Infant Death Syndrome".
- This segment is otherwise known as "Baby Boom".
- This death is based on 32 instances of infant and toddler deaths caused by drop-side cribs. The victim was changed to an adult baby to protect the identities of the dead.
- This death was Runner-Up A in the "Worst Pervert" category in the Death By Request: Special episode.
- The CGI skeleton has a pacifier.
- Mel Brooks dressed as a baby in high anxiety.
- It is unknown if Candela found out about Barnaby's death.
- The death name in the German dub is a pun on the song "Be My Baby Tonight" by John Michael Montgomery.
- This plot was very misleading thought Barnaby is a bad guy, however he is an good person and would go to heaven.
Foreign Names[]
- Guillotina Infantil (Kiddie Guillotine) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Adulto Acunado (Cribbed Adult) - European Spanish dub
- Perversão vem do berço (Perversion Comes From The Crib) - Brazilian Portuguese dub
- Be my Baby tonight - German dub
Segment Nickname[]
- Baby Boom