Critter in the S****er

Way to Die #780
Critter in the S****er
Name of the death is a pun on a Dr. Seuss rhyme scheme of the events.
"Reggie went looking for a record. The ferrets went looking for blood. Final score: Ferrets one, Reggie done."
Information
Date	January 18, 2004
Location	Richmond, Virginia
Episode this death was featured in	Enter the Ferret
Deaths
Previous	Eel Effects Sun Burnt (Production order)
Previous	Eel Effects Sun Burnt (Production order)
Next	My Chemical Romance Fat Man In A Little Swing (Production order)
Next	My Chemical Romance Fat Man In A Little Swing (Production order)

"Critter in the S****er", Way to Die #780, is the first death featured in "Enter the Ferret", which aired on March 12, 2012.

Plot

A Scottish man named Reggie enters a "ferret legging" contest at a ferret festival (Ferret Legging involves having live ferrets inserted into one's pants, which are then sealed and whoever endures it the longest wins). Reggie is immediately the last man standing when the other two contestants run off the stage shortly after having the ferrets inserted into their pants. Reggie attempts to break the world record time, but cheats in the process by starving his ferrets, since starved ferrets become docile to preserve energy. Hours later, the audience was down to just one drunk man. A swollen hemorrhoid bursts in his rectum shortly before he is about to break the record, waking up one of the ferrets, who then crawls inside of his rectum, and begins to feed on the hemorrhoid, killing Reggie from excessive bleeding, sending this cheater to hell where he belongs.

Transcript (some user found this script from Amazon Prime.)

([] is playing)

Narrator: Every year a contest occurs that defies description.

Man #1: This is not to be seen, so...

([] is playing)

Narrator: The player must endure extreme pain.

Man #2: They are true athletes!

Narrator: Overcome their deepest fears.

Woman: Like man vs. man-man vs. nature.

Man #3: When these guys undo their pants, that's when the game is on.

(The furry plays the tuba)

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the annual...

Host: Freaky Ferret Festival!

([] is playing)

Crowds: (Cheer)

Host: Alright!

Narrator: The main event at this... furry freak show, simply called ferret legging, a sport created in Scotland and that's now found its way over to America.

([] is playing)

Glen McDougal: Ferret legging is you put a ferret in your pants. Your pants are sealed so that it can't get out. The longer you have the ferret in your pants, you win. When people ask me what it feels like, there's a scale from warm and fuzzy... to please bludgeon me in the head.

([] is playing)

Host: Here they are! Your 3 contestants!

Woman: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Reggie: Down you go, lady.

(Ferrets now are in the contestants' pants)

Host: Cheer him on! Number 2, alright!

Black Woman: Stomy, ferret go ferret!

Host: Number 3! Down the hole!

Narrator: As soon as the fur starts flying,

Reggie: (Chuckles)

Woman: COME OOOOON!!!

(The 2nd contestant flees, he's out)

Narrator: 2 of the... athletes... drop out.

(The 3rd contestant also flees, he's out)

Narrator: It's down to Reggie, and he's looking to break the world record, 5 hours and 26 minutes.

Reggie: Nononononono... Oohoho...

Narrator: He wants it so bad, he's cheating.

Reggie: Go to sleep... Go to sleeep...!

Narrator: He learned that if you starve ferrets, they become docile to preserve energy.

Reggie: Nope...!

(Hours later... [] is playing)

Narrator: Hours go by... the audience has wasted away.

(The drunk male crowd drops, sleeps of boredom)

Narrator: Just as Reggie is about to break the record,

([] is playing)

Reggie: (Freaks of pain)

Narrator: he feels a nasty lip where the sun don't shine.

Reggie: (Screams)

Narrator: Reggie had a swollen internal hemorrhoid, that burst like an overripe grape.

Reggie: (Screams)

Narrator: And there's nothing like a little blood to wake up a starving ferret.

Reggie: (Screams)

Narrator: Dinner is served.

Reggie: (SCREAMS)

(Reggie drops dead, his rectum bleeds, little of Experiments in Lobotomy and Synapse Compilations is playing, CGI ferret enters the rectum, scratches it, bites the intestine)

Dr. Jeffrey Lake: Once the ferret bird into his rectum and clawed and nod at his hemorrhoidal tissues, and causes tremendous amounts of bleeding from... these hemorrhoidal blood vessels.

-Dr. Jeffrey Lake: Bleeding caused from this injury from the ferret that led to his ultimate death.
-Reggie: (SCREAMS)

(Recap, [] is playing)

Reggie: Nononono... Oohoho...

Narrator: Reggie went looking for a record.

-Reggie: (Screams)
-Narrator: The ferrets went looking for blood.

(Reggie drops dead, his rectum bleeds; the ferret is finally out of the pants, Alibi Rooms is playing)

Narrator: Final score: Ferrets one, Reggie done.

Interviewees

• Glen McDougal - Ferret Legger
• Dr. Jeffrey Lake - Colorectal Surgeon

Trivia

• Reggie's name may be based on Reg Mellor, the ferret-legging world record setter in 1981, until it was broken in 2010.
• The actor that played Reggie also played as one of Cedric's roadies in Fecal Attraction.
• The ferret festival host looks similar to the victim in Premature Endings.
• This death is similar to Eel Effects where the animal is put in the pants (causing the animal to go into the anus).
• This death takes place on a same day as Jelly Belly-ed
• In CGI, Reggie screaming was heard.
• Latin American Spanish dub's name of the death is weird AF.

Segment Nicknames

• Ferret In The Hole (Spike TV)
• Frantic Ferret
• Pant-eresting Ending
• Pants on Ferret

Foreign Names

• Kolorektalschaden (Colorectal damage) - German dub
• Huroncete en el ojete (Ferret in the Asshole) - European Spanish dub
• Nicho la cloaca al bicho (Niche the sewer to the bug) - Latin American Spanish dub

SPIKE TV Description.

A "ferret legging" enthusiast dies a horrible and painful death after two ravenous ferrets try to get to a bleeding hemorrhoid deep in his alimentary canal.

Gallery (how did zsh get that screenshot?)

Ferrets one Reggie Done