"De-faced", Way to Die #290, is the fifth death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.
Plot[]
It was the first big snowstorm of the winter in Minnesota and Wilbur was ready. He had just bought a new snow blower, he just needed to run it for a while to break it in.
Jon Wright: The North American continent, United States average is a... little over 100 snowstorms per year, we average about 1,200 deaths per year... of after a major snowstorm: accidents, downed power lines, trees, collapsing groves on commercial residential buildings. In some cases, avalanches were just too much snow comes careening down a mountainside can cause some tremendous loss of life.
Wilbur spent all his time in the garage, pretending to fix things while drinking beer after beer. The truth of the matter is that he was useless as a handyman... and also as a family man, his wife went to pick him up for a day with their kids, but Wilbur behaved like a jerk and told her rudely that he would come after finalizing.
Wilbur started to sharpen his axe, but he tumbled and beat a trash can. Wilbur started to get dizzy from the alcohol and carbon monoxide from his blower, which had been on for 2 hours. Just then he started oiling the working blades, but he blacked out, and his face fell on top of the blades, crushing and impairing his face, causing immense bleeding.
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Falling forward into the blades of the running snow blower caused massive lacerations of his scalp, face and neck. Now the major arteries of the face are severed, causing massive hemorrhage.
In the aftermath, his wife found him, gathered him up from the blower and was terrified at his faceless corpse.
Narrator: A drunk Wilbur was preparing with the harsh Minnesota winter... It turned into a face-off. Wilbur lost, and his face... came off.
Transcript[]
(Baroque Death is playing, a snowy day)
Narrator: It was a Minnesota's first big snowstorm of the winter.
(Wilbur shuts the window from the coldness, [] is playing)
Narrator: And Wilbur was ready. He had just bought a brand new snow blower.
Wilbur: (Burps)
Narrator: All he needed to do was run the engine for a while to break it in.
(Footage of snowy situation on the traffic, Magician Suspense is playing)
Jon Wright: The North American continent, United States average is a... little over 100 snowstorms per year, we average about 1,200 deaths per year... of after a major snowstorm: accidents, downed power lines, trees, collapsing groves on commercial residential buildings. In some cases, avalanches were just too much snow comes careening down a mountainside can cause some tremendous loss of life.
([] is resuming)
Narrator: Wilbur spent all his time in the garage. Pretending to tinker, while pounding beer after beer. The truth of the matter was...
Wilbur: (Burps)
Narrator: ...he was useless as a handyman and a family man.
([] is playing)
Wilbur's Wife: Wilbur?
Wilbur: What?
Wilbur's Wife: Comes me dinner the kids.
Wilbur: I'll be in there when I'm there, okay?!
([] is playing)
Narrator: While the snow blower was airing out, Wilbur decided to do some drunken chores.
([] is playing, Wilbur grinds his axe with a grinder)
Narrator: Every man of the north, needs a sharp axe.
Wilbur: (Burps)
(While Wilbur losing control by burping, the axe jumps, hits the garbage can lid, Wilbur decides not to sharp the axe, Trippy String Death is playing)
Narrator: At this point, Wilbur was feeling more than the effects of the beer.
Wilbur: (Coughs)
Narrator: His snow blower had been coughing up exhaust for the last 2 hours. Filling the garage up with deadly carbon monoxide.
([] is playing)
Narrator: A woozy Wilbur decided it was the right time to oil the spinning blades of the blower.
Wilbur: (Burps)
(Wilbur falls his face to the spinning blade, [] is playing)
Wilbur: (SCREAMS OF PAIN)
Narrator: Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Maybe not.
(CGI snow blower shreds the human's face, [] is playing)
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Falling forward into the blades of the running snow blower caused massive lacerations of his scalp, face and neck. Now the major arteries of the face are severed, causing massive hemorrhage.
(Recap, [] is playing)
Narrator: A drunk Wilbur was preparing with the harsh Minnesota winter...
(Wilbur falls his face to the spinning blade)
Wilbur: (SCREAMS OF PAIN)
-Wilbur's Wife: (Screams of horror) Oh my god!!
-Narrator: It turned into a face-off.
Wilbur's Wife: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: Wilbur lost, and his face... came off.
Cast and Interviewees[]
- Louis Graham - Wilbur (Lead; Intended victim)
- Serena Harpers - Wilbur's Wife
- Jon Wright - Meteorologist
- Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan - Interventional Pain Physician
Segment Nicknames[]
- Snow No (Spike TV)
- Snow Blower Blunder
- Wilbur Bad Day
- Wilbur the Snow Blower Guy
Segment Description[]
Description as seen on the Spike TV website:
- "A snow hick is sharpening his maintenance tools in his garage when he passes out from carbon monoxide fumes and lands face first on spinning snow blower blades."
Trivia[]
- This death takes place a day after Piss Offed (90)
Foreign Names[]
- Descarado (Disfaced) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Desfigurado (Disfigurated) - European Spanish dub
- La máquina quita-vídas (The Life-Taking Machine) - Pluto TV Spanish dub
- Cara à Cara com o Inimigo (Face to Face with the Enemy) - Brazilian dub
- Bier und Schnee (Beer and Snow) - German dub
- Ma kapalit kiwan as kanung pakitn na nokalap eranat? (Is it drunk to blade yourself when you’re alive?) - Lazoran dub
Gallery[]
