Death Certificates

Death Certificates

"There's a lot to be said for people who keep their wits about them. Unfortunately, that can't be said about the following: the maniacal fitness instructor who got bounced, the bird smuggler who flew the coop. We've got two coke dealers who pop their own balloon, a marriage made in hell, a moon-shiner who gets the point and finally, when he sees this, Hitchcock will be rolling over in his grave... with laughter. It's the attack of the witless on the next episode of 1000 Ways to Die."

"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 71.

Originally aired July 15, 2012.

-- This is the Original Episode --

However, this is an burned-off of 4 series-finale episodes due to workers strike in February 2012, however..if that strike don't exist then the series would be a longer series of spike tv like MTV ridiculousness.

Who's responsible doing that strike? Original Productions of course.

Heim-licked

Way to Die #514

Chip

On June 16, 2010, in Orlando, FL. A fitness camp instructor partial to attractive women tries to intimidate an overweight client and make her quit (since he can't legally tell her to leave, or he'll get sued for discrimination). When she finally leaves in frustration, he mockingly eats some of the junk food she leaves behind but begins to choke. He tries to bounce on a yoga ball to perform a Heimlich maneuver, but then falls on a lawn sprinkler and impales himself through the mouth and breaks his neck.

Alt names - Boot Camp

Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".

This Bird Has Flu

Way to Die #265

Juan

On September 18, 2008, in Lima, Peru. A Peruvian man smuggles birds over international borders by sedating them and taping them to his ankles under his pant legs. Not realizing that the birds are infected with avian flu, he contracts it from them and soon asphyxiates to death due to fluid accumulation in his lungs.

Alt names - A Bird In The Pants

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Bird Flu Horror"

Keester Sunday

Way to Die #360

Jake and Josh Peterson

On February 11, 2009, in Portland, OR. Two cocaine smuggler brothers get caught and put in the back of a transport vehicle. While the cop searches their car, one of the smugglers has the other pull a hidden water balloon filled with cocaine out of his rectum to hide the evidence, the cop told them that he would search their bodies. After popping it, they then proceed to ingest all the loose cocaine, but this causes them both to die of heart attacks.

Alt names - Keester-Concealed

Kill Bill & Billie

Way to Die #249

Bill & Billie

On May 12, 2010, in Altoona, PA. Suspecting his wife of adultery, an argumentative husband hires a hitman to follow her and, if he finds her with a man, kill them both. Meanwhile, the husband goes to a motel and hires a prostitute, who turns out to be his wife. As they begin arguing again, the hitman (who followed the husband's orders to the letter) comes in and shoots the wife and the husband.

Alt names - Honeymoon Killers

I Spy A Dead Guy

Way to Die #519

Jimmy Dugan

On December 20, 2008, in Boston, MA. A former CIA agent, now working in industrial espionage, breaks into an office to steal information. When a security guard catches him, he locks himself in a closet and dives through a hatch in the wall, falling down a garbage chute and into an incinerator. The unit switches on and quickly incinerates the man, leaving nothing but his skeleton.

Alt names - In-Sin-Erator

Eye So Horny

Way to Die #187

Del

On August 8, 2001, in Clayton, GA. Two brothers get drunk on their own moonshine and pretend they are in a bullfight. One brother grabs a moose head from the fireplace and charges, but he trips and impales himself through the eye on the antlers of a stuffed deer head.

Alt names - Manse-Meat

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Moose on the Loose"

North By Northwasted

Way to Die #411

Dolph

On July 22, 2009, in Lompoc, CA. A director is trying to recreate the airplane scene from the film North by Northwest, using little people as actors and a remote-controlled plane. The actor in Cary Grant's role jumps out of the way of the plane, which flies past the director and slashes his carotid artery with its wing.

Alt names - North By Northwaste

Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.