Fatal Distractions[]
"Oh no. Who woke the baby? We'll just have to tell him some bedtime stories to calm him down, like the one about the drug lord who stuck out his neck, or the guy who got waxed by a turtle. How about the stoners whose invention blew up in their face, and the woman who got potty mouthed? There's a glutton who ate himself out, and a feminist that hates salamis. They all expire happily ever after on the next episode of 1000 Ways to Die."
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 29.
Originally aired October 5, 2010.
Title reference: Spoofs the Animal Planet TV series Fatal Attractions.
-- This is the Original Episode --
Golden Die-Angle[]
Way to Die #507
Ting
On April 8, 1996, in Laos. A drug lord with a penchant for decapitating trespassers with a machete receives a call from somebody that a few trespassers are stealing from his poppy fields. He mounts his ATV and chases after them. While the two wannabe drug smugglers hide, the man tries to track them down, forgetting about a barbed wire that he set up/install as a security measure. The man ends up hits the barbed wire at high speed and he is ultimately decapitated and accidentally killed by his own trap. However, his severed head end up rolling and falls on the ground, horrifying and presumably scaring away the two wannabe drug smugglers.
Alt names - Four By Gore
Clay Achin'[]
Way to Die #243
Charlie and Joe
On June 3, 2006, in Astoria, OR. Two stoners create a clay bong that uses flavored disks to make the marijuana smoke taste like different foods. They contact a friend with a homemade kiln. After some time, they check on the progress of the bong. After seeing that the kiln has gone out, the stoners drop a lighter into it. The lit match ignites the propane gas inside, causing an explosion which turns the clay into deadly shrapnel, killing them.
"Coming up: A big glutton eats his heart out, and... a big baby gets a timeout."
Death of Sum Young Guy[]
Way to Die #159
Mike
On January 19, 2009, in San Diego, CA. A gluttonous man arrives at a Chinese restaurant for an all-you-can-eat restaurant. After already eating at other restaurants (and nearly choking to death at the current restaurant), he suffers a heart attack from the MSG that accumulated in his system from nothing but a steady diet of Chinese buffet food.
Alt names - All He Could Eat/Bittersweet Death
Crib Your Enthusiasm[]
Way to Die #239
Barnaby
On September 12, 2009, in Redwood City, CA. A couple who enjoy baby-mother roleplaying build a full nursery, complete with an adult-sized drop-gate crib. During one session, the wife leaves for a brief break, resulting in her husband throwing a tantrum. Accidentally throwing his teddy bear out of the crib, the man reaches through the bars to try to grab it. He shakes the crib with enough force to unlock the gate, which falls and severs the man's vertebrae, causing him to die of asphyxiation.
Alt names - Baby Boom
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Death By Request -- Runner Up A".
"Up next: A bald eagle beats out a bald poacher, and... a woman gives new meaning to dishing the dirt."
Turtle Waxed[]
Way to Die #929
Mr. Chow
On August 17, 2010, at Mojave National Park. An animal poaching married couple named Mr. Cho and Mrs. Cho attempt to find rare animals to sell on the wildlife black market. They spot a rare, endangered turtle, and her husband attempts to capture it. However, before he can grab the turtle, a bald eagle swoops down out of nowhere and managed to snatches it before he could have a chance to grab it. The bald eagle purposely drops the turtle from a high altitude to break its shell, but it lands on Mr. Cho's head, breaking through his skull and sending him into cardiac arrest, leaving his now-widowed wife Mrs. Cho horrified and screaming in horror over her husband's death. On the bright side, the turtle survives.
Alt names - Turtle Shelled
Potty Mouth[]
Way to Die #282
Sheila
On July 21, 2008, in Spokane, WA. A geophagic executive of a failing loan office reaches the point where she has to eat her neighbor's organic soil to manage her anxiety, unknowingly consuming a mixture of compost and her neighbor's own feces. She ends up contracting a virulent strain of E. coli and she contracts severe diarrhea and nausea (which she brushes off as a harmless stomach flu). After three days, the E. coli bacteria spreads throughout the woman's body, poisoning and eventually killing her.
Alt names - Dirt Eater/Dirty Mouth
"An angry feminist wants to cut men down to size, coming up."
Die-brator[]
Way to Die #342
Freda
On May 1, 1998, in San Francisco, CA. After a seminar, a misandristic, sociopathic leader of a fringe feminist party (notorious for their sexually violent crimes against men) returns home to find a vibrator from her lesbian lover, unaware that it's really a 1000-kilovolt taser that resembles a vibrator. After inserting it into herself and activating it, the taser electrocutes the feminist, causing cardiac arrest and kills her.
Alt names - Pink Tingler
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.