"De-faced", Way to Die #290, is the fifth death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.
Plot[]
Wilbur was a horrible family man and a useless guy who bought a snow blower for a storm, Wilbur got drunk and pretended to work, his wife went to pick him up for dinner with their kids but Wilbur acted like a jerk and told her about it rude way that he would go after finishing, Wilbur started to sharpen his ax but he slipped and hit a trash can, Wilbur started to get dizzy from the alcohol and carbon monoxide from his blower that had been on for 2 hours, so Wilbur decided to oil the blades but he passed out and his face fell on top of the blades crushing and disfiguring his face, causing massive bleeding and sending this useless idiot to the hell where he belonged, then Wilbur's wife found him, picked him up from the blower and was horrified at the sight see his faceless corpse.
Transcript[]
(Baroque Death is playing, a snowy day)
Narrator: It was a Minnesota's first big snowstorm of the winter.
(Wilbur shuts the window from the coldness, [] is playing)
Narrator: And Wilbur was ready. He had just bought a brand new snow blower.
Wilbur: (Burps)
Narrator: All he needed to do was run the engine for a while to break it in.
(Footage of snowy situation on the traffic, Magician Suspense is playing)
Jon Wright: The North American continent, United States average is a... little over 100 snowstorms per year, we average about 1,200 deaths per year... of after a major snowstorm: accidents, downed power lines, trees, collapsing groves on commercial residential buildings. In some cases, avalanches were just too much snow comes careening down a mountainside can cause some tremendous loss of life.
([] is resuming)
Narrator: Wilbur spent all his time in the garage. Pretending to tinker, while pounding beer after beer. The truth of the matter was...
Wilbur: (Burps)
Narrator: ...he was useless as a handyman and a family man.
([] is playing)
Wilbur's Wife: Wilbur?
Wilbur: What?
Wilbur's Wife: Comes me dinner the kids.
Wilbur: I'll be in there when I'm there, okay?!
([] is playing)
Narrator: While the snowblower was airing out, Wilbur decided to do some drunken chores.
([] is playing, Wilbur grinds his axe with a grinder)
Narrator: Every man of the north, needs a sharp axe.
Wilbur: (Burps)
(While Wilbur losing control by burping, the axe jumps, hits the garbage can lid, Wilbur decides not to sharp the axe, Trippy String Death is playing)
Narrator: At this point, Wilbur was feeling more than the effects of the beer.
Wilbur: (Coughs)
Narrator: His snowblower had been coughing up exhaust for the last 2 hours. Filling the garage up with deadly carbon monoxide.
([] is playing)
Narrator: A woozy Wilbur decided it was the right time to oil the spinning blades of the blower.
Wilbur: (Burps)
(Wilbur falls his face to the spinning blade, [] is playing)
Wilbur: (SCREAMS OF PAIN)
Narrator: Hmmmmmmmmmmm... Maybe not.
(CGI snowblower shreds the human's face, [] is playing)
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Falling forward into the blades of the running snowblower caused massive lacerations of his scalp, face and neck. Now the major arteries of the face are severed, causing massive hemorrhage.
(Recap, [] is playing)
Narrator: A drunk Wilbur was preparing with the harsh Minnesota winter...
(Wilbur falls his face to the spinning blade)
Wilbur: (SCREAMS OF PAIN)
-Wilbur's Wife: (Screams of horror) Oh my god!!
-Narrator: It turned into a face-off.
Wilbur's Wife: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: Wilbur lost, and his face... came off.
Cast and Interviewees[]
- Louis Graham - Wilbur (lead; intended victim)
- Serena Harpers - Wilbur's Wife
- Jon Wright - Meteorologist
- Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan - Interventional Pain Physician
Sister Segment[]
Segment Nicknames[]
- Snow No (Spike TV)
Trivia[]
This death takes place a day after Piss Offed (90)
Foreign names[]
- Descarado (Shameless) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Desfigurado (Disfigurated) - Spanish dub
- La maquiná quitavídas (The life-taking machine) - Pluto TV Spanish dub
- Bier und Schnee (Beer and Snow) - German dub
- Ma kapalit kiwan as kanung pakitn na nokalap eranat? (Is it drunk to blade yourself when you’re alive?) - Lazoran dub
Gallery[]
