"Suffer-cated", Way to Die #820, is the third death to be featured in "Deadliest Kitsch", which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot[]
Floyd (portrayed by Martin De Boer) was an amateur cyclist obsessed with greatness, he trained so much that his girlfriend abandoned him and left him his dog, Lance, Floyd hated him and insulted him unfairly, Lance would go to the pound after the town annual 100-mile race, Floyd planned win it and cheated using drugs and spent time in a hypoxic chamber, Lance was thirsty and since Floyd was not going to give him water he looked for it himself, Floyd left his water bottle on top of the chamber, Lance tried to reach it but failed and accidentally closed the oxygen to the chamber, 20 minutes later Floyd woke up suffocating, panicked and like the idiot he was made the chamber fall with the door down, trapping him and causing his water bottle to fall into the bowl of Lance, Floyd tried desperately broke free and stupidly breathed in the oxygen he had left, causing him to suffocate, killing him and sending this idiot to hell where he belonged while Lance enjoyed his water.
Transcript[]
(Floyd cycling outside, Brass March To Death is playing)
Narrator: Floyd was an amateur cyclist with visions of grange.
(Floyd trains inside of his house, [] is playing)
Narrator: He thought if he trained hard enough, he could turn pro.
Floyd: (Growls)
Narrator: He trained so hard and so often, his girlfriend moved out...
Floyd: (Growls)
Narrator: leaving behind her dog, Lance.
Lance: (Barks 2x)
Floyd: SHUT UP!!!
(Quirky Dark Comedy Trip is playing)
Narrator: Floyd was no dog lover.
Floyd: Stupid dog!!
(Floyd kicks the dog's dish)
Narrator: Lance was headed to the pound.
(Grim Sleeper is playing)
Narrator: Right after the town annual 100-mile race. Floyd planned on winning this race, and like many of the pros he worshipped, he was willing to take shortcuts, like using performance-enhancing drugs. And spending daily session in a hypoxic chamber.
Floyd: You lazy dog.
(Floyd tosses the towel to Lance's head)
Narrator: A hypoxic chamber simulates a low-oxygen, high altitude environment.
(Floyde gets in the chamber)
Narrator: The body adapts by increasing the number of red blood cells to carry more oxygen to the muscles. It's like turbo-charging a car engine. As always, Lance was neglected and thirsty.
(Creepy Death is playing)
Narrator: If Floyd wasn't going to give him water, he'd get it himself.
(Lance reaches to the water, attempts to climb the chamber, but accidentally turned off the oxygen in the process)
Narrator: He jumped out, and accidentally shut off the oxygen to Floyd's chamber. 20 minutes later, Floyd awoke, gasping for air.
(Floyd, wakes up, realizes no oxygen left, needs to get out of the chamber)
Narrator: And panicked.
(Serious Death Build is playing, the chamber falls off, Floyd is blocked, water bottle falls to dog's water dish)
Narrator: Causing his homemade chamber to topple over, landing door down.
(Lance now has a chance to drink, Floyd tries to smash the glass)
Narrator: He was trapped and running out of air.
(Floyd runs out of air, dies; meanwhile Lance is still drinking; [] is playing)
Narrator: Floyd desperately inhaled whatever oxygen was left,
(CGI shows the lungs the CO2 freezes the veins)
Narrator: and exhaled his own carbon dioxide. His brain shut down for CO2 poisoning and then he died from suffocation.
([] is playing, recap of Lance attempts to climb the chamber, but accidentally turned off the oxygen in the process, Floyd, wakes up, needs to get out of the chamber, the chamber falls off, Bittersweet Ending is playing)
Narrator: In the end, Floyd went bye-bye. And Lance? He just lapped it up.
Cast[]
- Martin De Boer - Floyd (lead: intended victim)
Trivia[]
- Also called "Cheating's Edge" on the Spike TV website.
- This is one of the few deaths that have no interviewees.
- The names of the male lead (Floyd) and his pet dog (Lance) are likely a reference to cyclists Floyd Landis and Lance Armstrong.
- This is one of 3 deaths where in the introcard, instead of the usual state code, (if a death is in the United States), the full state name is used, the other 2 are Butt F***ed and Jablowni.
Segment Nicknames[]
- Cheating's Edge (Spike TV)
- Cheating Edge
Bye-bye!