"Handi-crapped", Way To Die #212 is the fourth death to be featured on "Dying to Tell the Story" which aired on December 29, 2010.
Plot[]
Hank is an arrogant and cowardly surfer who had no problem in parking his convertible in handicapped parking spaces. When he is confronted by Pat (a handicapped Vietnam War veteran who lost his leg), Hank refuses to confront him face to face, opting instead to drive away. The surfboard pivots sideways due to quick acceleration of his car, hits the handicapped sign and severs Hank's head from his spinal cord, killing him within seconds.
Transcript[]
([] is playing, various scenes of the Malibu beach are shown)
Narrator: The beach is a great place to relax. But, parking's a bitch.
(Pat is trying to find a place to park)
Narrator: Unless you're Hank.
Hank: (Pulls down sunglasses and talks to two women) What's up ladies?
Narrator: The perfectly healthy slacker had no problem using handicap spots.
(Cut to Pat, who is getting out of his car)
Narrator: Pat, had lost his leg in 'Nam. But the only thing he felt his country owed him, was a place to park.
([] is playing)
Pat: Hey man, what's the deal?
Hank: Talking to me?
Pat: You don't have a handicap, you don't need to park there.
Hank: Hop back to your car.
(Pat shakes his head in dismay)
(Replay, [] is playing. Jeff Charlebois, a disability rights activist, begins speaking)
Jeff Charlebois: These people who don't have a handicap placard. Parking in these disabled spots. Ugh, my god, I go crazy! Whenever I see someone who's parked in a handicap spot, uhh, I wait until they go inside, and then I write a nice little note on their car. With my key.
(Back to the main scene, [] is playing, and Hank is seen getting in his car)
Narrator: Hank wasn't just a jerk: he was a coward.
(Pat gets ready to face up to Hank)
Narrator: Instead of confronting Pat face-to-face, he peeled out.
(Hank looks away and instead starts his car. He rapidly backs out, causing his surfboard to rotate sideways and hit the handicap sign's post. This results in the surfboard forcefully colliding with Hank's head, killing him and setting off the horn)
Narrator: Oh. Bummer dude.
(Replay, [] is playing)
Narrator: The 12-foot board pivoted sideways from the quick acceleration. The tail hit the handicap sign... and forced the front of the board into the back of Hank's head.
(Cut to a CGI of a person getting the head crushed by a surfboard)
Jason Romero: The surfboard hit this gentleman's head, in just the right spot and it severed his spinal column, from his brainstem. The body, could not receive any signals to operate, so these organs just basically stopped. This caused death within seconds.
(Recap, [] is playing)
Narrator: This surfer punk would run over his granddad for a parking spot.
Hank: Hop back to your car.
(Pat shakes his head in dismay)
Narrator: But now instead of hanging ten...
(Hank does the shaka to Pat. He rapidly backs out, causing his surfboard to rotate sideways and hit the handicap sign's post. This results in the surfboard forcefully colliding with Hank's head, killing him and setting off the horn)
Narrator: He's deep-sixed. Welcome to hell, Hank! You can park here, as long as you like.
Interviewees[]
- Jeff Charlebois - Disability Rights Activist
- Jason Romero - EMT
Trivia[]
- Also called "Surfin' Turd" on the Spike TV website.
- The nickname for the Spike TV website is a pun on "Surfin' Bird," a hit song by The Trashmen.
- In 1966, Worth Bingham, who's the son of Barry Bingham, Sr., died after a surfboard, lying atop the back of his convertible, hit a parked car, swung around, and broke his neck.
- This death also takes place 9 Listed years after Imatinib.
- This death takes place 1 years before Ghost Busted, 2 years after Succu Offed, 9 years after Just Plane Dead and 32 years after Cruci-fried.
- Moral: Never parked in the handicap spot unless you're handicapped, find a normal parking spot.
Goof[]
- When Hank dies, the horn goes off even though he isn't applying enough force with his head to blow the horn.
- Also how on earth did he even made it through the handicap spot when his surfing board is too long?
Segment Nicknames[]
- Surfin' Turd (Spike TV)
- Handicapped Surfer
- Surf's Down!
- Turfboard (a pun on "Surfboard")
- Headless Handicapper
- Beach Bum's Beheading
- Beach Bummer
Foreign Names[]
- Sepultado (Sepulted) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Totalmente Incapacitado (Totally Disabled) - European Spanish dub
- Deficiente-Mortal (Mortally Disabled) - Brazilian Portuguese dub
Gallery[]
