Hurry Up and Die[]
"Is there a doctor in the house? Make that a mortician. We've got a fresh batch of cold ones to dig into, like the guy who got swept away, or the wrestlers who got carried away. How about the drunk who had no heart, or the lovers who sprung a leak? There's a mailman who wound up in the dunk tank, and... a rocker who blew his fecal mind. They all make lovely corpses on the next episode of 1000 Ways to Die."
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 31.
Originally aired October 26, 2010.
Title reference: Spoofs the Stereophonics' song "Hurry Up and Wait".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Drunk Die-er[]
Way to Die #957
Brian
On September 9, 2009, in St. Louis, MO. A drunk driver, who was just released from prison for vehicular manslaughter, crashes his car and is mistakenly pronounced dead at the scene. When authorities find out he is an organ donor, they bring him to the hospital to remove his organs while he is still alive. The doctors never find out he is not dead yet and take out his heart, finally causing his death.
Alt names - Early Harvest
Jersey Gore[]
Way to Die #523
Nicky "The Predicament"
On August 14, 2008, in Newark, NJ. An obnoxious man known as Nicky "The Predicament" works on his car with extremely loud death metal music playing while his female neighbor constantly and angrily tells him to turn it down. He slides out from under his car down the driveway and into the path of a street sweeper he did not see or hear coming. He gets crushed under the wheels and is shredded by the bristles, leaving a bloody mess on the road.
Alt names - Clean Sweep
Cast Offed[]
Way to Die #132
Cooter
On October 3, 1996, in Purvis, MS. While using a log splitter to prepare firewood for upcoming cold weather, a drunk Southern man gets his arm caught in the machine and breaks it. He decides to save his welfare money by creating a cast and putting it on himself, but he fails to set the bone properly and makes the cast too tight. When he cuts it off a month later, globules of bone marrow leak into his bloodstream and form a fat embolism in his heart, killing him.
Alt names - Cast It Yourself
Lesboned[]
Way to Die #412 (Note: This is the fifth death to have this number)
Jasmine and Janine
On June 9, 2008, in Parker Strip, AZ. A bisexual real estate agent notorious for having sex with her clients seduces a wealthy, lesbian prospective customer. After a tour of the house, pool, and eventually the laundry room, they strip and have sex on top of the dryer. Their movements cause its fuel line to come loose and the room fills with natural gas. When the water heater turns on automatically, it ignites the gas and sets off an explosion that kills both women.
Alt names - Burning Loins
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Lazy Laudromat".
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Tapped Out[]
Way to Die #597
Dirt Bomb
On June 16, 2005, in Rockford, IL. Two aspiring amateur wrestlers with dreams of going pro assault each other with increasingly insane objects, including fluorescent light bulbs. During practice, one wrestler slashes his partner in the chest with a weed whacker. While the partner who got slashed in the chest survives, the first wrestler collapses and dies from toxic shock caused by inhaling the mercury vapor from the broken bulbs and particles of mercury that entered his blood through earlier wounds.
Alt names - Rasslers
Mail Order Fried[]
Way to Die #284 (Note: This is the second death to have this number)
Mel
On August 14, 2002, in Olathe, KA. An obnoxious mailman who has a second job as the target at the local carnival's dunk tank insults the customers with embarrassing secrets he culls from their mail. Over time, balls that miss the target repeatedly hit the fuse box for the tank's water heater and damage the wiring until it makes contact with the water. When one customer (a former professional baseball player who spent two years playing the game in Japan) hits the target, the mailman falls into the tank and is electrocuted.
Alt names - Shock and Awww
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Fecal Attraction[]
Way to Die #330
Cedric
On September 17, 2002, in Provo, UT. A Keith Richards-esque rock star and notorious drug addict freaks out when he runs out of drugs and his band gets stranded in a dry town, until one of his roadies suggests that he try jenkem. When he is no longer able to defecate, he finds a port-a-potty, sticks his head in, and gets high, but suffers from a brownout and loses consciousness. Because his heads still in the toilet, he asphyxiates from lack of oxygen and excess of methane gas to his hemoglobin.
Alt names - Toilet Victimized
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Death By Request -- Runner Up B".
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.