Kill Bill & Billie

Way to Die #249

Kill Bill & Billie

Name of the death is a pun on the movie "Kill Bill" and the victims "Bill & Billie"

Introcard
Deathcard

"Their relationship was built on a bedrock of deception and mistrust. Bill and Billie cheated, lied...and finally died... together."

Information

Date

May 12, 2010

Location

Altoona, Pennsylvania

Episode this death was featured in

Death Certificates

Deaths

Plot[]

Bill and Billie are a married couple, both of whom which are livid with each other, who have marital problems after Bill accuses Billie of cheating and vice versa. In retaliation, Bill calls a hitman, ordering him to kill Billie and her new lover if the hitman does catch her cheating on him. Ironically enough, Bill is also hypocritically cheating on Billie, hiring prostitutes three times a week. That week, Bill decides to up the ante by hiring a fourth prostitute, as a twist of ironic fate, which turns out to be Billie herself.

Upon realizing that they were both right about them cheating on each other all along, they get into yet another violent argument. While they arguing their heads off, the lone hitman comes in and does a standard tap head execution, shooting them both in the heads and killing them instantly. The irony was that it was the same hitman Bill hired; Best summed up with the Shakespearean phrase: "Hoist with his own petard."

Transcript[]

(the segment starts with the introcard showing an image of Bill and Billie arguing before the words "Date: May 12, 2010" and "Location: Altoona, PA" are typed out around it)

(Cuts to Bill and Billie in a car arguing, [] is playing)

Billie: I hate you!

Bill: I hate you!

Billie: I hate you more!

(Cuts to the inside of the car as Bill and Billie continue to argue while the narrator speaks)

Narrator: Bill and his wife, Billie, are a match made in...

(Bill and Billie point at each other)

Bill and Billie: I hate you!

Narrator: Hell.

Bill: F**k you.

Billie: F**k you!

Bill: F**k you!

Billie: F*********K you!!

Bill: F***k YOOOOOOU!!

Narrator: Bill is a sleazebag, abusive womanizer.

Billie: I should have never married you!

Narrator: Billie is a former call girl who gave up "street life" for the street life.

Bill: Once a whore, always a whore.

Narrator: Together, they are a corrosive combo of anger and mistrust.

(Billie looks away)

Bill: (turns Billie around) Look at me when I talk to you! Tell me you are not cheating on me!

Billie: I'm not cheating on you, but maybe I should!

(Billie blows a bubble from chewing gum)

Bill: First chance I get and I catch you ass, I'll f**king kill you! You're dead and the dick you're with.

(View of Bill walking down a long hallway to a lone payphone, [] is playing)

Narrator: Bill has taken extreme measures if Billie is serving it up on the side.

(Bill makes a call)

Bill: You understand what I need to have done?

Narrator: He puts in a call to a local-

Bill: Ok, just follow her.

Narrator: Contractor.

Bill: If you catch her with somebody...kill them both.

(cuts to the outside of a motel room where Bill resides, with Mandy preparing her hair outside, [] is playing)

Narrator: Bill is hardly a model of monogamy

(Mandy opens the door to Bill with a gown on, sitting on the bed, with a glass of something, gesturing to come in)

Narrator: In fact, he got a three times a week hooker habit.

(Mandy starts rolling down her stocking)

Narrator: On Monday, it's Mandy.

(Trooty enters the door)

Narrator: Wednesdays is Big Booty Trooty

(Trooty shows her ass to Bill and slaps it hard)

(Lady Tata enters and undoes her jacket)

Narrator: Thursday's hot tart is Lady Tata.

(Unknown hooker adjusts her boobs and hair)

Narrator: This week, Bill's going for four. He's trying a new one.

(Hooker knocks on the door)

Bill: It's open!

(Hooker opens the door, revealing it to be Billie, [] is playing)

Bill and Billie: You!?!

(Bill and Billie argue over one another)

Narrator: Bill, meet Billie. Your hooker, your wife.

(Bill and Billie keep arguing over each other as a lone hitman in a trench coat enters the apartment)

Bill: I knew it! I knew! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! You look like a whore! Acting like a whore! Whose the whore? I'm the whore? I hate you! I knew it! I hate-

Billie: I hate you! I hate you! I can't believe you're here! You are a loser! You cheating on me! You thought I was cheating! You need to see I hate you! I hate you! I-

(Contractor shoots both Bill and Billie with a silenced pistol, causing the two of them to land on the bed, dead)

(CGI scene shows skeleton shoot in brain, where the bullet bounces around, turning the brain into mush, before showing two skeletons lying dead on top one another)

Dr. Boyd Flinders: It was a head tap execution. A small calibre bullet. Enough energy to enter the skull, but not enough to exit. Bounces around inside the brain, scrambles it, and they're dead.

(Recap, Impression Failure is playing)

Bill and Billie: I hate you!

Narrator: Their relationship was built on a bedrock of deception and mistrust.

Bill and Billie: You!?!

Narrator: Bill and Billie cheated, lied...

Billie: ...I hate you! I hate you! I-

(Bill and Billie getting shot by the same hitman, then cuts to a closeup on Bill's lifeless corpse with Billie's lifeless body and blood on top of his chest)

Narrator: And finally died... together.

(the segment ends with the deathcard showing a full view of Bill and Billie lifeless on Bill's bed before the words "Way To Die #249" and "Kill Bill and Billie" appear around it)

Cast and Interviewees[]

Carl Van Meter - Bill (lead: intended victim)
Layla Davis - Billie (lead: intended victim)
Currently unknown actor - The contractor Bill called to kill Billie (uncredited)
Yanna Fabian - Prostitute (uncredited)
Dr. Boyd Flinders - Himself (Surgeon)

Trivia[]

This segment is otherwise known as Honeymoon Killers.
Like Shanks for the Memories before it, this segment focuses on a rude, irritating couple who constantly argue with one another as to who is in the wrong, with the use of the infamous "I hate you!" phrase at some point.
While people have been killed by contractor set by others for cheating, this situation is over dramatized and unlikely to ever occur.
This death is similar to Fiddle Licked and Radioactive-dead, as the death was caused by an assassin/contractor.
This is also the fourth and final instance in the entire series where a hypocrite dies (for this case, two hypocrites, Bill and Billie themselves, die) after Max in Bad Max, Hafez in Bull-heavia and Ned in Xmas-turbator.
This death takes place 8 years after Wedding Crasher, 33 years after Chess Pain, 26 years after Pop and Lox and 10 years after Pussy Whipped
Bill's grey convertible is a 2009 Mitsubishi Eclipse GT Spyder in disguise.
This is also the final unisex death in the entire series where the victims of both genders are considered bad/villainous.
Technically, Bill could have avoided his death if he had told the assassin to kill Billie unless she was with him.