Life Will Kill You is the first episode of Season 1 of 1000 Ways to Die. It originally aired on May 14, 2008. It contains seven segments, the last of which is not a death, but a real-life account of someone who almost died.
The episode is narrated by series creator Thom Beers.
Way to Die #208: Semi-cide
Title Joke: Homicide by Semi Truck
A man working on his car is run over and bisected by an 18-wheeler. Two bystanders phone paramedics who load the man's upper torso and his legs into two separate ambulances, resulting in them ending up at separate hospitals. The delay results in the man bleeding to death.
Way to Die #422: Constriction Accident
Title Joke: Construction Accident involving asphyxiation
A construction worker who comes to work drunk comes to work with a hangover. He accidentally activates the dumping mechanism and buries a fellow worker under three tons of sand and dies from crush asphyxia.
Way to Die #92: Fang Banged
Title Joke: A play on Gang Banged, but with snakes!
A drunk man is shot at by his equally drunk brother. When he ducks, he falls onto a rattlesnake, which bites him near his heart and he dies from the venom.
Way to Die #832: Lesbocution
Title Joke: A combination of the derogatory term "Lesbo" and "Electrocution"
After being involved in a series of bad relationships, a woman decides to become a lesbian. While going home to have sex with a female friend to celebrate her coming out, the woman takes off her high heels and steps barefoot into a puddle with a live wire in it and is electrocuted.
Way to Die #125: Love Bugged
Title Joke: A play on "Love Bug"
A reclusive French amateur entomologist and herpetologist is bitten by his black widow spider in a misguided attempt to build an immunity to its venom. Electing to ride out the symptoms of his latrodectism, he suffers a fatal heart attack, knocking over his reptile tanks as he collapses. The released animals then feed on his corpse for two weeks before it is found by police.
Way to Die #640: Tumble Die (a.k.a. Dried Off)
Title Joke: A play on the term "Tumble Dry"
A repairman is accidentally trapped inside an industrial clothes dryer and dies of being battered around and excess heat within minutes causing hyperthermia.
A cautionary look-back at the infamous accident of Daytona driver Julius David Johnson III ('Slick' Johnson) in 1990. While the accident had taken the racer's life, Mike Staley, one of the on-sight paramedics was launched by Slick's car, and nearly run over by one of the other racers. Miraculously, Mike Staley survived the ordeal and went on to label it as "his worst and luckiest day all at once".
- The first segment, Semi-cide, was later featured in the Top 100 Deaths episode as Number 5.