Mastur-bitten

Way to Die #250
Mastur-bitten
Name of the death is a pun on the words "masturbation" and "bitten"
"Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self-abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!" (US Version) "Palmer was a nasty pervert who squeezed...and then squeezed hotels. After an exhausting day of masturbation, he took a nice nap...and got a sting. Goodbye, pervert!" (Translated LAT Version)
Information
Date	March 15, 2009
Location	Lamy, New Mexico
Episode this death was featured in	A New App Called Death
Deaths
Previous	Kill Bill & Billie American Died'ol (Production order)
Previous	Kill Bill & Billie American Died'ol (Production order)
Next	Well Chung Heim-licked (Production order)
Next	Well Chung Heim-licked (Production order)

"Mastur-bitten", Way to Die #250, is the seventh and final death featured in the episode "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.

Plot

Palmer Muncie is a greedy, perverted con-man illegally impersonating a state health inspector as part of an insidious statewide scam.

He goes to local hotels and motels on inspection days, and defrauds them with this disgusting tactic; He would tell a gullible hotel owner that he works alone, before going into a room and, erm, masturbating in it, ejaculating onto the bed and tainting the general area with his semen. Eugh...

Then, he shows the stains under a black light, threatening to shut their hotel down to extort money and complimentary items from them.

At one local motel, Palmer manages to swindle the staff to get a free night's stay. That night, he goes to sleep with his blacklight still glowing.

Little did he know, the room Palmer 'inspected' was infested--in this case, with Arizona bark scorpions, which glow under a black light such as his. The scorpions crawled onto Palmer's bed before stinging him. He's jolted awake in time to scream (or rather, croak) from the stings before the venom immediately began shutting down his autonomic nervous system, killing him within seconds and sending this pervert to hell in a blink. Turns out this motel was very much in need for a legitimate health inspector all along. Who knew?

By the next morning, Palmer is seen lying dead with bruising all over his body.

Transcript

Narrator: Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self-abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!

Interviewees

• Jules Sylvester - Zoologist

Segment Nickname

• Black Light Scorpions -- aired on the Spike TV (now Paramount Network) website.
• Scorpion Dead
• Scary Scorpions
• Master-Stung

Trivia

• The Arizona bark scorpion is the most venomous species of scorpion in North America.
• Palmer has a tendency to say Ta-Ta! (US/UK)/Adios! (LAT Spanish) after talking to someone. The narrator used the same word in the doggerel to mock Palmer.
• Palmer Muncie's death is similar to that of Dave's death in Crappy Ending.
• The name of the death is rather questionable. The death's name implies that Palmer died of getting bitten, but he died from getting stung, not bitten so that pun should renamed "Master-Stung"
• This death takes place 1 years before Out to Launch, 4 years after Two Stoopid And 5 years after Par Gore.

Foreign Names

• Ausgecheckt (Checked Out) - German dub
• Mastur-muerto (Mastur-dead) [Wordplay on "Masturbación" and "Muerto"] - Latin American Spanish dub
• Mastur-amargado (Mastur-bitter) [Wordplay on "Masturbación" and "Amargado"] - Spanish dub

Gallery

"Ta-ta!"

Right before he take off his clothes.

oh shit.

why spike allowed this.

this pervert should be fired for doing that.

Ta-ta! Freak!