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"OMG! SUV! R.I.P.", Way to Die #320, is the sixth death featured in "If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You", which aired on January 5, 2011.

Plot[]

A scam artist named Lester specializing in filing frivolous lawsuits deliberately breaks his leg while trying to get hit by a woman on her cell phone driving an SUV. She pulls over to help and finds him resting against the rear bumper of a car parked in front of her. When she accidentally knocks her SUV into neutral after getting back in to grab her cell phone, the car rolls forward and pins Lester in between the two bumpers, crushing him to death, sending him to hell and leaving the woman horrified.

Transcript[]

(Intrigue Stories is playing)

-Narrator: Lester was a scam artist who targeted small businesses like this taco truck.
-Lester: Hi.

Lester: Can I get a taco?

Taco Stand Manager: One taco.

(Lester gets the taco)

Narrator: He buys some food,

Lester: Alright.

Taco Stand Manager: Thank you.

Lester: Thank you!

(But puts something on a delicious taco)

Narrator: plants something disgusting, in this case a rat leg, and then shake it down.

(Lester pretends that the manager puts that disgusting ingredient in the taco, [] is playing)

Lester: Oh my god! This is disgusting! Can you come out of here, please?

(Lester shows the manager what he puts on the taco)

Lester: This is special sauce or something?! What do you think it is?!

Taco Stand Manager: That wasn't in the taco second ago.

Narrator: The taco truck owner was stuck between paying off Lester,

Lester: Dude, I'm gonna take you to the court and sue you...

Narrator: or going out of the business. He paid.

(Future Heartbeats is playing)

Stephanie Carrion: It's like me going to extort you or I'm going to win in court, the extortion pays...

(Lester is now out of the sight, successfully paid, walks on the street)

Stephanie Carrion: a lot more, the easier target is a moment pop retell store, I've threatened to take every business to court if they don't pay up. Because I'm gonna get my money.

(On The Run is playing)

Narrator: This was a good day for Lester,

(The blond in the Hummer H2 is on the phone)

Narrator: so when a platinum blond came around the corner in a blinked eye SUV, he saw another opportunity. All he had to do was step off the curb and... let the legal system do the rest.

Woman: (Calls while driving) There's no way. Uh-uh-

(Lester purposely steps off the curb, cause to make a crash)

-Lester: (Screams of pain)
-Woman: (SCREAMS OF HORROR) OH MY GOD!!!

(Sex Mex is playing)

Lester: Dammit!! Aaaah!

(Lester walks to the rear of the parked SUV)

Woman: Oh, oh my god! Oh my god! I-I gotta call you back!

(The blond gets out of the SUV, gets close to Lester if he's okay)

Woman: Oh my god! Oh my god!!

Lester: CALL 911!!

(The blond gets back to the SUV to get the phone in her bag)

Narrator: But then, things got a little tight for Lester, because when Blondie grabbed her cell phone to call 911,

(The woman accidentally steps on the pedal, and accidentally knocks her SUV to neutral shift with the bag handle)

Narrator: she stepped on the brake, allowing the handle of her bag to accidentally shift the car into neutral,

(The SUV slowly moves to Lester, [] is playing)

Woman: Oh my god! Calling it right now!

Narrator: setting the 3-ton SUV into motion.

Lester: (Screams)

(Lester got crushed by the H2, spits out blood, dies)

Woman: (Screams of horror)

(Anticipating Motion is playing, CGI SUV crushes the human, shatters the chest, the human is drowned to his own blood in the lungs, coughs blood)

Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian: In this case, the man died, because the stress applied by the Hummer... to his chest, crushed the bones and caused internal bodily damage to lungs, and heart and other organs.

(Epic Rock Piece is playing, recap)

Lester: Can I get a taco?

Taco Stand Manager: Sure.

Narrator: Lester put the squeeze on unsuspecting victims.

Lester: What is this? This is special sauce or something?!

(Lester was about to purposely steps off the curb to make a crash)

-Narrator: But when he came face to face with three tons of steel and rubber...
-Woman: (Calls while driving) Uh-uh-

-Lester: (Screams of pain)
-Woman: (SCREAMS OF HORROR)

(The SUV slowly moves to Lester)

Narrator: he got squeezed out.

(Lester got crushed by the H2, spits out blood, dies)

Cast and Interviewees[]

  • Blake Everett - Lester (lead: intended victim)
  • Jeff Campanella - Taco Stand Manager
  • Anika Contos - Trophy Wife/SUV driver
  • Stephanie Carrion - Reformed Con Artist
  • Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian - Nuclear Physicist

Segment Nickname[]

  • Squeeze Play
  • Art Scammed (Spike TV Website)

Foreign names[]

  • No descansarás en paz (You will Not Rest In Peace) - Latin American dub

Trivia[]

  • The man who played Lester, also played Fred in Fat Man In A Little Swing
  • Like a Half-Offed This segment taken a date on July 15 on this year a few 6 years before.
  • Lester's death is similar to Handy's death in the Happy Tree Friends episode "The Way You Make Me Wheel"
  • This death takes place exactly 5 years before 1000 Ways To Die was cancelled.
"call 911"

Call 911

Anika Contos

SUV Driver, behind the scene

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