(LOGO SPLATS)
BACKGROUND VOICE:HERE WE GO AGAIN PUTTING A MAD FACE ON DEATH;IT'S EASY TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER IF YOU'RE NOT TOLD ABOUT SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY WHEN THEY'RE GONNA BE DEAD UNLESS YOU NEVER GET ANGRY;ESPECIALLY THE GUY WHO GOT FATALITY ON HIS KIDNEY BEANS;THERE'S ALSO THE THE DIABETIC WHO COULDN'T HANDLE PHERAMONES OR THE ASTRO WHO GOT TO MUCH MARS HOW BOUT THE THE SWIMMER WHO GOT HIS RAY ON THERE'S THE WILDLIFE COMPANION WHO GOT THE TEETH POINT;WE'LL SEE THE SURFER WHO GOT TOO MUCH WAVE & FINALLY YOU'LL GET YOUR PERIOD WHEN YOU SEE THIS SHOCKING JELLY MOMENT;IF YOU'RE REALLY ANGRY THEN YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR TEMPER AT YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE ESPECIALLY WATCHING THE NEXT EPISODE OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE*THE WAVES GRABS THE SURFER AS THE SHADOW CRASHES & THE HEART SHOWS THE LOGO*
Ron (Megaphone):warning the stories portrayed in this show are based on real deaths & are extremely graphic NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITIES WITH NO ACTORS OF THE DECEASED SOME OF THE DEAD WERE UNLUCKY MANY WERE BORED MOST WERE INCREDIBLY STUPID DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRY ANY OF THE ACTIONS DEPICTED;YOU WILL....DIE
BACKGROUND VOICE:DEATH....IS EVERYWHERE,MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY;EVERYDAY WE FIGHT A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS TOXINS INJURY ILLNESS & OTHER CATASTROPHE;THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO END UP DEAD THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE IT ALL IS AMIRACLE;CAUSE EVERYDAY WE LIVE WE FACE........1000 WAYS TO DIE
(DATE:AUGUST 5TH LOCATION:FRANKFORT KENTUCKY)
BACKGROUND VOICE:DO BEES HAVE RESPECT FOR DIABETES? THE ANSWER IS USUALLY;IN THIS HOUSE OWNED BY STEETOM IT'S HIGH MORALITY
STEETOM JILLIAN BRIAN:HEY KIDS WHAT'S UP;DADDY WILL GET YOU SOME HONEY ONCE I SWITCH OUT MY CIRCLE
BACKGROUND VOICE:EVEN THO BEES WERE ILLEGAL WHERE HE WAS BORN THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS CARELESSLY PUT THEM THERE EVERY DAY WHEN HE GOT A VISITOR HE'D PUT A SAFE COVERING OVER THEIR NEST TO AVOID TROUBLE
JULES SYLVESTER:BEES ARE NORMALLY SCAVENGERS WITH NECTAR BUT KENTUCKY HAS NO FLOWERS
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE FACT HE HAD NO FLOWERS IN HIS GARDEN HE NORMALLY ORDERS FLOWERS ONLINE FROM SWITZERLAND EVEN THAT COUNTRY HAS NO BEES BUT THE FLOWERS STILL CONTAINED SWISS NECTAR BUT IF HE COULDN'T AFFORD FLOWERS HE'D MAKE HIS OWN SUPPLY OF NECTAR;EVEN THO HE DIDN'T ALLOW ANYBODY ELSE TO TOUCH IT SOME ARROGANT SELF ESTEEM CREEP DECIDES TO DO IT ANYWAY
STEETOM:HEY YOU BASTARD;PRICKTOM WHY CAN'T YOU BE GENEROUS FOR ONCE
PRICKTOM JESSIE DARIUS:YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY 1 WITH BEES IN YOUR YARD I CAN'T AFFORD FLOWERS
STEETOM:WELL GIVE MINE BACK & MAKE YOUR OWN NECTAR LIKE I DO*SNATCHES IT FROM HIM WHICH CAUSES PRICKTOM TO PUSH HIM ON GROUND;THE FIGHTING GETS MORE FATAL & STARTS WORSE KICKING HIM IN THE STOMACH*
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE BESS COULDN'T SEE HIM GET MORE TOXIC WITH PRICKTOM so they Each saved him with 1 single sting*they do so*
Steetom:thanks for sabing me honey buns
Pricktom:they shouldn't have stung you don't you have diabetes
Steetom:yea I do feel funny*he drops dead to his own ground* (background voice:well that was 1 fatal savory)
Background voice:steetom wasn't allergic to pheramones but he had a rare genetic condition that left him unable to process bee stings during diabetes
Vyshali rao:when he was stung the pheramones traveled thru his bloodstream & killed the cells needed to pump his insulin;this killed him as his insulin level shut down
Background voice:Steetom was a good beekeeper eho kept fighting for his sugary life but he got no more fights tye bees could've saved him a better way but they just took it to a more sugar filled morality
(Way to die #8 die-a-bee-tees)
background voice:up next an astronaut gets assy on a mission to mars
(Date:march 11 location:NASA space center)
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE THE ROCKET WAS GONNA BLAST OFF TO MARS BUT INSTEAD OF LEARN ING BY THEMSELVES THEY WERE GONNA LEARN FROM THIS PLANET EXPERT (SISKTOM CAESAR ONIUM:SO GUYS ARE YA READY TO LEARN MORE FROM ME) SISKTOM LOVED NOTHING OTHER THAN OUTER SPACE & KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM & HE'S SHOWN EVERY ASTRONAUT CREW ABOUT ALL PLANETS BUT MARS
SISKTOM:NOW REMEMBER THE AIR IN SPACE ISN'T THE SAME AS THE AIR DOWN HEAR SO KEEP YOUR SUITS ON AT ALL TIMES (ALL ASTRONAUTS:LOUD & CLEAR TRUSTED LEADER OF ASTRO HEART) GOOD
ASTRONAUT #2:HEY SIR ISN'T MARS DANGEROUS WITH ALL THE RUST I CAN DIE EITHER WAY I DON'T WANNA GO
SISKTOM:WELL YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT & YOU'RE GOING NO MATTER WHAT NITWIT
BACKGROUND VOICE:SISKTOM WASN'T GONNA DEAL WITH A SCAREDY CAT TO RUIN HIS JOB;NOT ONLY WAS KWAZTOM SCARED OF MANY THINGS HE DIDN'T PARTICIPATE IN MUCH STUFF*THEY LAND ON MARS*
SISKTOM:OK HUYS I'M SURE YOU KNOW THAT MARS HAS LOTS OF RUST & RUST IS TOXIC THE RUST IS CAUSE OF ALL THE IRON SO YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF YOUR SPACE SUIT YOU CAN OPEN YOU REAR BUT YOU CAN;T SIT ON IT YOU CAN OPEN YOU HANDS BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT'LL KILL YOU EITHER WAY SO DON'T PUT A SINGLE BIT OF SKIN ON IT DON'T EVEN INGEST IT
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WAS TIME TO MARK THE FLAGS OF EVERY BIT OF RUST YOU SEE
SISKTOM:OK VERYONE HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE RUST SEEK THAT INCLUDES YOU KWAZTOM;GO*THEY GO BUT KWAZTOM JUST STANDS WHERE HE SEES IT & HE'S SLAPPED*NOT LIKE THAT KELP FOR BRAINS YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR FLAG;ALL ASTRONAUTS USE THEM WHEN THEY SEE SOMETHING THAT THEY FIND THEY MARK IT WITH A FLAG;SO MARK YOUR FLAG THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE RUST & DON'T STOP TIL YOU'RE DONE
BACKGROUND VOICE:AN ALIEN FROM MARS NAMED THE HOTHEAD IS THE ONLY ALIEN ON MARS & SHE LOVED ASTRONAUTS BUT HOTHEAD ASLO & FOR THE MOST PART LIKED TO PRANK THEM;SHE WAS GONNA GIVE HIM RUSTY ARS*SHE OPENS THE PART TO HIS DONKEY & THE OTHER GIGGLE*
SISKTOM:WHAT'S SO FUNNY
RATTOM KATE BRI:COACH YOU'RE KEISTER IS SHOWING
HOTHEAD:IN YOUR FACE (SISKTOM:NIMROD)*SHE PUSHES HIM ALLOWING HIS BUTT TO TOUCH THE SURFACE OF MARS;HE DIES AS HE FLOATS IN HIS OWN FATE*
BACKGROUND VOICE:OH SHRIMP THAT PRANK HAS PUT MARS INTO HORRIBLE ASTRO
KHYBER ZAFFERKHAN:WHEN THE RUST ENTERED THE RECTUM AFTER HE SAT ON IT THE TOXINS EVEN THE RUST ITSELF WENT THRU THE BLOODSTREAM & DRIED HIS BLOODCELLS & HE DIED FROM LACK OF BLOOD PRESSURE & THE RUST ON THE SKIN OF HIS KEISTER DID NOTHING HOWEVER HE ALSO DIED FROM SKIN POISONING
BACKGROUND VOICE:OUR SPACE LEADER SISKTOM HAD NO LIFE OF DEALING WITH DRAMA KINGS BUT WHEN HOT HEAD PANTSED HIM HE WAS RUSTY & THEN FLOATED IN FATES
KWAZTOM (GLOATING):A GOOD WASTE OF PLANETARY RUST
(WAY TO DIE #704 MARS ARS)
(DATE:JANUARY 8TH LOCATION:SOUTHEAST ASIA)
BACKGROUND VOICE:DID YOU KNOW A SLOW LORIS IS A GOOD PET? WELL IF YOU REALLY GET THE LOVE PART YOU'LL TAKE LESSONS FROM CHAYTOM;JUST A MINUTE THIS MORNING HE TRAVELED FROM HIS HOMETOWN OF CHARLOTTE TO ADOPT A SLOW LORIS FROM ASIA
JULES:THE SLOW LORIS IS SHY IT WON'T KILL YOU WITH THE BITE UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC
NEVAEH (GUEST INTERVIEWEE):I CAN HANDLE ANIMALS WITH POISONS TOXINS & VENOMS CAUSE I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING
BACKGROUND VOICE:WHEN HE GOT HOME HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SHOW HIS NEW PET AROUND BUT HE MADE SURE TO HANDLE HIM GENTLY CAUSE SHE WAS HAVING BABIES SOON WHICH IS TOMORROW
CHAYTOM (NOT EVERYONE HAS A 1ST OR LAST NAME):OK SAYSKEE THIS IS MY LIVING ROOM HERE'S THE KITCHEN MY BEDROOM & IN HERE I GOT YOU YOU'RE SPECIAL CAGE IT HAS ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOU TO MOVE AROUND OH & FOR YOUR BABIES I HAVE THEIR BED READY & I HAVE THEIR CAGE CLOSER TO YOURS SO THEY'LL GET YOU WHEN THEY FEEL SCARED OR WHATEVER*SAYSKEE LICKS HIM*COME ON ANGEL LET'S GO SHOPPING & GET SOME MORE THINGS READY FOR YOUR BABIES (NEVAEH:PETS LOVE SHOPPING)
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE NEXT DAY WHEN THE BABIES WERE BORN CHAYTOM HAD THE PERFECT NAMES FOR THEM
CHAYTOM:OK THIS GIRL ON THE RIGHT IS MAYFEEN & ON THE LEFT JILLZEET;OK MY BABIES I'M GONNA GET YOU A BOTTLE OF MILK & AFTER THAT YOU CAN HAVE TEA & SMOOTHIES BLENDED WITH BANANAS & COCKROACHES I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
BACKGROUND VOICE:EVEN THO SAYSKEE KNEW THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE GIVEN ENOUGH LOVE BETWEEN HER & HER BABIES SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA LOSE FRIENDSHIP BUT SHE COULDN'T RISK REVENGE (CHAYTOM:OK YOU 3 EAT UP)*THE BABIES KISS HIM SAYSKEE KISSES THEM & ACCIDENTALLY BITES HIM*CHAYTOM DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HE WAS ALLERGIC TO SLOW LORIS VENOM ESPECIALLY NOT LETTING ANYBODY KNOW*HE DROPS DEAD AS THE 3 TRY TO HELP*
BOYD FLINDERS:THE VENOM WENT THRU HIS BLOODSTREAM & AS HIS BLOOD PRESSURE SHUT DOWN FROM CELL LOSS HE DIED
BACKGROUND VOICE:CHAYTOM DIDN'T LOVE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A SLOW PRIMATE BUT WHEN JILLZEET & MAYFEEN PUT THEIR EARLY LICK SKILLS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER JOINED IN & PUT THE TEETH TO HIS LIFE & NOW HE'S AN EXTINCT PRIMATE*THEY CRY AS THE SEE HIM DEAD*
(WAY TO DIE #329 SLOW SLOW FATE)
BACKGROUND VOICE:COMING UP WHAT DID THE SURFER DO IN THE SURFING WAVES OF THE TSUNAMI
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:APRIL 30 LOCATION:ALABANY NEW YORK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:WHO DOESN'T LOVE KIDNEY BEANS? (NEVAEH:I DON'T) WELL THE TRUTH IS NOT EVERYONE LIKES BEAN BUT IF 1 PARTICULAR HAPPENS TO BE SCARTOMM-TOTALLY OBSESSED
SCARTOM:YOU GUYS ARE GREAT HAVING BEANS IN STOCK EVERYDAY
BACKGROUND VOICE:HE WAS SO ADDICTED TO KIDNEY BEANS THAT HE ATE THEM FOR EVERY MEAL INCLUDING DESSERT HE EVEN BRINGS THEM IN RESTAURANTS & PUTS THEM OH THE FOODS HE'S SERVED
BOYD FLINDERS:KIDNEY BEANS ARE NORMALLY HEALTHY BUT IF YOUR KID OR ADOPTED MEMBER DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU DON'T LET'EM EAT IT
BACKGROUND VOICE:1 DAY HE WENT TO THE CHINESE BUFFET & GOT ALL HIS BEST FOODS & ADDED KIDNEY BEANS TO THEM;HE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BUT THIS 1 STRICT WAITER HAS HAD ENOUGH OF HIS BEAN DIET
CHUNGTOM FUMIKO MISAKI:HEY YOU;WHY CAN'T YOU STOP BRINGING YOUR STUPID CANNED FOODS IN MY PLACE
SCARTOM:YOU DON'T OWN THIS PLACE YOU'RE JUST A WAITER & YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE MY FOOD EXTINCTS
CHUNGTOM:OH YA WANNA BET? (BACKGROUND VOICE:CHUNGTOM WASN'T GONNA LET HIS DEFENSE GET HIM FIRED)*HE FORCEFULLY PUTS A BOTTLE OF CAR FUEL & HE PUNCHES HIM IN THE KIDNEY WHICH GIVES HIM PAIN & HE FALLS DEAD ON THE SEAT*WELL THEN NO MORE BEANS FOR YOU
REZA JAMEHDOR:THE PUNCH CAUSED HIM GREAT PAIN IN THE KIDNEY WHICH IS CAUSE HIS KIDNEYS ARE BORN SENSITIVE BUT THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF HIS DEATH;THE CAR FUEL WHICH HE WAS ALLERGIC TO WENT THRU HIS BLOOD CIRCULATION & WENT TO HIS KIDNEYS & HE DIED FROM KIDNEY FAILURE
BACKGROUND VOICE:SCARTOM'S BEANS MADE HIS LIFE A CHALLENGE FOR THIS PUNK;WHEN HE GOT PUNCHED & FUELED HE WAS NOW A DEAD BEANSTALK
(WAY TO DIE #86 NEPTUNE'S KIDNEY)
(DATE:JULY LOCATION:GREAT BARRIER REEF)
BRAYLTOM DEEDA JEFF:OK GUYS IT'S SURFING LESSON TIME
BACKGROUND VOICE:YOU DON'T REALLY NEED A CLASS TO LEARN SURFING BUT IF BRAYLTOM DIDN'T GIVE HELP THAT OPTIONALITY WOULD'VE CORRUPTED HE'S BEEN SURFING EVER SINCE HE WAS A BABY & HE WAS A STAR & ALWAYS WILL BE
BETHANY HAMILTON:WHEN I LOST MY ARM IN A SHARK ACCIDENT I PUT LOTS OF DETERMINATION IN MY DREAM & I REACHED IT REAL GOOD
BRAYLTOM:WOW ISN'T SURFING SO FUN & EASY;HEY LADIES WANT SURFING LESSONS? I'M HIGH PROFESSIONAL
MAXIE TINA LAN:WE'RE ALRIGHT WE DON'T REALLY SURF
LIFEGUARD KILA BENNY BOOTS:MAYBE YOU CAN DO A SURFING SHOW FOR EVERYONE SINCE YOU ARE AN EXPERT
BRAYLTOM:I'D LOVE TO
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS PLAY WAS GONNA BE THE BEACHIEST OF ALL;BUT LITTLE DID THE AUDIENCE KNOW THERE WAS A JERK WHO LIVED ON A BOAT NEAR THE GREAT BARRIER REEF & HE DIDN'T LIKE SURFERS
YOUTOM GIG ZED:THAT SON OF A BITCH;HE IS SO GONNA BE TAUGHT A LESSON THINKING HE CAN SURF NEAR MY HOME*HE PUTS HIS JET SKI SO HIGH MOTOR MAKING THE WAVE GROW BUT LUCKILY BRAYLTOM CATCHES IT WELL;BUT HE MOTORS IT TOO HARD & IT GROWS AGAIN*
BRAYLTOM:WOW WHY IS EVERYONE GETTING SMALLER
KILA:CAREFUL UP THERE BUT YOU PUT ON A SHOW FOR US
BRAYLTOM:THANKS;I LOVE NEW TECHNIQUES*YOUTOM NOW GETS A FAN & TURNS IT ON CAUSING IT TO B LOW HIM OFF THE WAVE & IT GRABS HIM*
BACKGROUND VOICE:YOUTOM'S REVENGE CROSSES THE SEA LINE LEAVING BRAYLTOM A WASHED UP DUGONG*HE'S DEAD BEFORE HE HITS THE SHORE;EVERYONE'S IN PANIC*
KILA:SOMEONE GET THE PARAMEDICS
BOYD FLINDERS:WHEN THE WAVE HIT THE SURFER HE DIDN'T BREATH IN WATER OR DROWN BUT THE PRESSURE OF THE WAY CAUSED WATER TO ENTER HIS EARS RECTUM & CROTCH CAUSING WATER TO ENTER HIS BLOODSTREAM & HE DIED AS HIS HEART SHUT DOWN*
BACKGROUND VOICE:BRAYLTOM'S PROFESSIONAL SURFING TRICKS MADE HIM A SEA STAR BUT WHEN A GRUMPY RESIDENT CRASHED HIS SHOW HE WAS BEACHED
(WAY TO DIE #873 SURF'N'JERK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:UP NEXT THE JELLIEST MONTHLY DEATH IS HERE
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:SEPTEMBER 4TH LOCATION:WATERLOO,INDEPENDANT ALSAKA (IA FOR SHORT))
BACKGROUND VOICE:A LOT OF GIRLS GET PERIODS BUT IT'S KNOW THAT MALES CAN GET'EM AS WELL;BUT FOR GILA THE PERIOD WAS HER REDDEST ENEMY & HER JELLIEST NIGHTMARE
DJ GREEN:PERIODS AREN'T FOR EVERYONE IN FACT NOT EVERY CRITTER HAS'EM;THE JELLY BLOBS ARE MORE LIKE A SIGN THAT UNUSED EGGS ARE STRUGGLING TO HATCH EVEN NOT HAVING SEX OR YOU'RE LIKELY TO NOT LIVE LONG YOURSELF
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS GIRL LOVED GOING TO THE BEACH SHE EVEN MADE HER OWN PERIOD PROOF BATHING SUIT;1 DAY SHE CAME HOME & SHOWERED & WASHED HER CROTCH
NEVAEH (GUEST INTERVIEWEE):WHEN I GET MY PERIODS I ALWAYS SPRAY INSIDE MY LAMPSHADE THOROUGHLY WHICH MEANS I ALSO SPRAY WAY UP IN IT IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN DOOSHING I HAVE A VERY SENSITIVE CROTCH;MY OTHER BODY PARTS ARE SENSITIVE & I ALSO HAVE A SENSITIVE PERSONALITY WHICH MEANS I EVEN CRY VERY EASILY
BACKGROUND VOICE:BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING SHE WAS UNAWARE OF WHENEVER SHE WAS AWAY HER CAT SHEENA WOULD PEE ON IT & ALSO PUT HER SALIVA ON IT AS SHE WAS ABLE TO PROCESS IT REAL GOOD MEANING SHE'S NOT ALLERGIC;THE MIXTURE OF THOSE & HER BLOOD TURNED THE WHOLE PERIOD TO A DEATH RISK 7 TO MAKE MATTER WORSE TOXINS WENT THRU HER BLOODSTREAM & THE JELLYBLOBS CAME OUT IN THE PROCESS*SHE DIES IN HER SHOWER*SHE WASN'T ALLERGIC TO CATS BUT WAS ALLERGIC TO ANIMAL URINE & SALIVA IN ANIMALS THAT WEREN'T POISONOUS/TOXIC/VENOMOUS
STEVEN KIM:WHEN THE JELLY BLOBS WERE COMING AUTOMATICALLY FROM HER CROTCH THE POISONS FROM THE CAT URINE & THE SALIVA FROM THE CAT IT NOT ONLY ENTERED HER BLOODSTREAM BUT SHE WAS DEAD AS HER HEART WAS RAPIDLY PUMPNG TIL IT SHUT DOWN
BACKGROUND VOICE:CATS & PERIODS NORMALLY DON'T MIX WELL EVEN THO IT'S HARMLESS BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ALLERGIES WITH YOUR PET'S URINE YOUR PERIOD WILL BE A MEMORY OF GILA;GOOD LUCK IN HEAVEN BEACH GIRL YOU'LL HAVE YOUR PERIODS THE SAFE WAY NOW
(WAY TO DIE #547 JELLY BELLY-ED)
(CREDITS)