1000 Ways To Die Wiki
1000 Ways To Die Wiki

"Polly Want To Crack Your Spine?", Way to Die #571, is the fifth death to be featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired on February 29, 2012.


Lindsey is hired by the Mesa family to housesit for them while they head out on vacation. Lindsey is ordered by Mr. Mesa to have no guests over, but she doesn't follow their orders as she invites Mike, her boyfriend, over after they leave their house. The two of them begin making out when they hear the family's pet cockatoo muttering phrases. The Mesa's had forgotten to tell Lindsey about the bird. Freaked out, Mike leaves in anger. Lindsey attempts to offer the bird a cracker in order to make it be quiet, but instead, it flies out of the cage. She chases the bird around the house, and finally catches up to it on top of the roof. Lindsey is about to catch the bird, but it flies off and startles her, causing her to fall of the roof and crash onto a glass table on the patio below. The glass cuts and slices her carotid artery, causing her to die from blood loss. At the end of the segment, the bird, which is a cockatoo, returns to its own birdcage.

"Lindsey lied to get into people's houses. But after she lost the home-owner's cockatoo, Fate stepped in...and flipped her bird."

"(Squawks) You're dead!"


  • Also called "House Pest" on the Spike TV website.


  • The narrator says the bird was a cockatoo, but the bird used in the footage was a cockatiel.

Cast and Interviewees

  • Christine Chadwick- Lindsey (intended victim)
  • Sibuz - The Bird (lead)
  • Jamel King - Mike/Lindsey’s Boyfriend (lead)
  • Jules Sylvester - Himself (Wildlife Expert)
  • She wants crack your cat.

    David Svoboda - Himself (EMT)