"Poly-Ass-Turd", Way to Die #189, is the third death to be featured in "Eat, Pray, Die", which aired on August 8, 2011.
Plot[]
Derek Manly is a dirty scammer who first pretended to be a healer able to heal every disease known to man with the power of his gaze and then created an energy drink made of lemurs called "lemurnade". Now he's back pretending to be a self-help guru known as "The Fire Walker". Derek holds an outdoors $600 seminar for people with low self-confidence, which includes a test in which the patients have to walk over a bed of hot coals. When a patient complains the coals are too hot, the guru attempts to prove them wrong and walk over them himself.
However, he falls and is caught ablaze with his polyester suit melting onto his skin causing fatal burns to his body and dies, sending this scammer straight to hell, despite the patients trying to put the fire out.
Transcript[]
([] is playing)
Derek: It's about you and I, dig deep, find the trust...
Narrator: Derek Manly is a wolf dressed in a cheap suit.
Derek: Figure out what you want and go after it.
Narrator: Whatever B.S he's putting out, he just wants your money.
Derek: Go the extra mile for me.
(Asylum Corridor is playing, picture of a magazine book of Medical Science with Derek on the cover (Doctors Say Manly's a Fraud), footage of Derek Manly's cult, with his slogan: "His gaze will heal you. Only $895 per gaze.")
Narrator: He started as a new age healer, promising to cure any ailment with the supernatural power of his gaze.
(Comedy Death and Taxidermy is playing, pictures of Derek holding a bottle of energy drink, View of lemur, picture of a magazine book of Lemur news, 100% Lemur Juice, picture of Lemurnade)
Narrator: Next, he sold a phony power drink. Extracted from imported lemurs. His motto: When life gives you lemurs, make lemurnade.
(Back to the plot, Derek reads his new plan, [] is playing)
Derek: "Douse the coal structure in approximately 5 liters of lighter fluid."
(Derek pours the gasoline on the black pebbles)
Narrator: Derek's latest scam was as a self-help guru called the fire walker.
(Derek puts the fire on it, back to his cult speech)
Derek: I believe in you; do you believe in yourself?
(Derek chooses the woman with an orange shirt)
Narrator: $600 would buy you a spot in one of his all-day seminars, which ended with an empowering walk across hot coals.
([] is playing, footage of men walk on fire)
DJ Grothe: Physic explains how firewalking works. When...2 objects have different temperatures touch, they...both move in temperature toward the other.
(View of Derek chooses the black woman to test firewalking)
DJ Grothe: Unscrupulous...hucksters claim that by...going through their...self-improvement seminars... that you're able to control the laws of nature and not be burned on a bed of hot coals.
Derek: Show us the meaning of trust.
(The woman steps on the fire walker, [] is playing, she felt the heat, she falls back to the wood bench)
Woman: Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Oh my god...! Ow!
([] is resuming)
Narrator: It was his first time out. And things weren't going so well.
Derek: How hard can it be?
Woman: Ow...!
Derek: Watch no hesitation. Watch me, rule, this fire pit.
([] is playing)
Narrator: Derek was forced to demonstrate himself.
Derek: No pain, mastering the fire pit! No big deal!
(Derek stumbles and falls and is caught ablaze, [] is playing)
Derek: (Screams)
(The patients trying to put the fire out of him with their clothes)
Narrator: Looks like his new scam needs a little more work.
(Derek is now totally burned; There's A Virus In The Computer is playing, CGI human burns with a polyester material, the organs and skin all burned)
Eric Abrams: If a person is burned, wearing polyester or polyester blend material, cotton or wool will burn away cleanly whereas the synthetic blend will burn a lot deeper than adhere to the skin, and provide from very deep burns, they will actually burn the organs themselves and the body won't be able to function.
(Recap of Derek's pictures as a "god" and his lemur juice, Impression Failure is playing)
Narrator: Derek was a con-man who exploited people's fears and insecurities.
Derek: I believe in you, do you believe in yourself?
(Derek forced to demonstrate the fire walker)
-Narrator: But in the end, the "self-proclaimed self-help" guru couldn't help...
-Derek: No big deal!
(Derek stumbles and falls and is caught ablaze)
Narrator: himself.
Cast & Interviewees[]
- Jeffrey G. Barnett - Derek Manly (Lead; Intended victim)
- DJ Grothe - Fraud Investigator
- Eric Abrams - Fireman
Trivia[]
- Also called "You're Fired" on the Spike TV website.
- This Death has a Intro Motion (the lemur opening its eyes) like Premature Endings.
- This death is caused by polyester fabric who is more flammable than natural fabrics, similar to the death in Dia de Los Morons.
- This is based on a kid being burned on a beach, but there is no news article about it.
- Derek's death is similar to that of Cub's injury in Happy Tree Friends TV series episode, "As You Wish" and Flaky's death in Happy Tree Friends TV episode " This Is Your Knife".
- This is one of 4 deaths in the state of Idaho, the other 3 are Smoked, Falling Down On The Job, and MacDeath
- If you listen closely, Derek's scream matches that of Zach's from Dia de Los Morons and Floyd's from Suffer-cated.
Segment Nicknames[]
- You're Fired (Spike TV)
- BBQ Suited
- Guru Grill
- Walk This Way... To Certain Death
- Campfire Terror
Foreign Names[]
- Muerte por traje barato (Death by Cheap Suit) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Poliester ardiente (Burning Polyester) - European Spanish dub
- Polyester-Tester - German dub
- Poli-queimado (Poly-burned) - Brazilian Portuguese dub
- Morti kan stafado (Death for Scamming) - Lazoran dub
Gallery[]
