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"Premature Endings", Way to Die #1000, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired along with "Locked and Low Dead" as the one-hour season finale on February 29, 2012.

Plot[]

Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital's patients were dying of different causes: germs, toxins, injuries, illnesses, catastrophes, calamities, their own stupidity. Some examples of this group of idiots are: a drunk driver with a steering wheel in the intestines, a pervert with a broken soda bottle inside the butt, a dum who fell asleep drunk on his table saw and cut off his leg, a woman with a knife in her stomach after falling off a ladder while holding it, a man who lit a match when he got caught in a gas leak, a woman with scissors in her neck, another woman with a tennis ball lodged in her head, and another with a hard white stick in his neck.

However, there was one patient that stood out from the crowd; he is dying peacefully of old age. He has lived a long and healthy life and was always loyal to his friends and family. His daughter, oblivious to everyone else, was the only person to see him go. Though it's disheartening for her to see him pass on, she's glad to know that he's headed to a better place. His daughter came to visit him, oblivious to the hell that surrounded her and spent the last moments of her father's life with him together, she was distraught that his time had come but she was happy that he would be in a better place, then the man finally said goodbye to his daughter and the world and went to his deserved place in Heaven.

List of deaths shown[]

Before meeting with the patient dying peacefully[]

"1000 Ways to Die has a lot of fun mocking all the dumbasses who manage to die...in the most idiotic of circumstances. But ideally, that's not how we wanna go, is it?"

After meeting with the patient dying peacefully[]

"In the end, the choice is yours. You can be a total moron...die a victim of your own stupidity, and wind up on our show...or live a long and sensible life...and go home and watch it. All this time, 1000 Ways to Die has been an instructional manual...for how to live."

Transcript[]

(An ambulance drives to Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital)

Narrator: Uh oh, what do we have here? Another candidate for 1000 Ways to Die's story.

(A man is seen with a steering wheel jammed in his lower body)

Narrator: A drunk driver. He won't live long with that steering wheel in his gut.

(The medics bring the man into the hospital)

Narrator: Oh well, that's life.

(Other victims are seen in the hospital)

Narrator: You know, everyday around the world, approximately 150,000 people die.

(A woman is seen with blood dripping from her head)

Woman: Please help!

Narrator: If you're not a complete idiot, you won't wind up like this bunch of losers in this hospital ER room.

(A man is seen with his mouth duct-taped shut and a chain wrapped around his neck)

Narrator: This perv will die from a broken soda bottle lodged up his butt.

(Cuts to a man in a wheelchair with his leg cut off with a knife, man screams)

Narrator: This numb-nut passed out drunk on his table saw and cut his own leg off.

(Cuts to a woman with a knife in her chest and her internal organs poking out)

Narrator: She fell off a ladder while holding a knife.

(Cuts to a man passed out with black marks all over)

Narrator: He had a gas leak...

(The doctor uses the defibrillators on the man, but to no avail)

Narrator: ...and lit a match.

(Cuts to another victim)

Narrator: None of them will make it through the night.

(Cue a montage of previously seen deaths)

Narrator: 1000 Ways to Die has a lot of fun mocking all the dumbasses who manage to die...

Jeb: I've gone blind, Mabel!

Narrator: ...in the most idiotic of circumstances. But ideally, that's not how we wanna go, is it?

(Cuts back to the hospital, a woman is seen exiting the elevator and walking through the chaos)

Narrator: There are more dignified ways to check out of life's hotel. This woman, floating through the ER room, is oblivious to the hell around her. She's here to visit her father...

(Cuts to an old man in a hospital bed)

Narrator: ...who is dying. He's lived a long and rewarding life and was always there for his family and friends.

(The woman sits down and comforts her father)

Woman: Dad?

Narrator: His daughter is understandably sad.

Woman: Are you okay?

Old Man: I'm fine.

Narrator: But she also knows it's his time to go.

(The woman starts crying)

(Cue another montage of previously seen deaths)

Narrator: In the end, the choice is yours. You can be a total moron... die a victim of your own stupidity, and wind up on our show... or live a long and sensible life... and go home and watch it. All this time, 1000 Ways to Die has been an instructional manual...

(Cuts back to the room, the old man is now dead)

Narrator: ...for how to live.

Trivia[]

  • This Way to Die reaches the bottom of the list at #1000.
  • This death has no interviewees, as dying of old age is one of the most common ways to die in real life. In many developed countries, almost everyone who dies does so due to complications related to age.
  • Like Ichiboned, this death is sometimes considered one of the most wholesome, as all the people involved died from a normal situation that could happen to anyone, and the people involved had not done anything morally wrong or stupid beforehand.
  • This is one of only several deaths along with Ichiboned, Pissed Off, Crappy Ending, Freeze Died, Coming & Going, Jake N' Baked and Frightmare in where the victim is actually innocent of doing anything wrong.
  • As the 1000th and final way to die, it reflects on some of the previous deaths shown throughout the series.
  • The main deceased character in this death is the only one to not die from any injuries, catastrophes, germs, toxins, or illnesses.
  • This is the second death from 2011 featured in this series. Apocalypse Harley is the second-youngest, 34 days away.
  • This death was intended to be the series finale, but 1000 Ways to Die was renewed for another season. It was instead featured in the finale of Season 5.
  • For some reason, in the Spanish dub of the series, Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital is depicted as being located in London, England (the setting for Ex-Squeezed), but it's doubtful that this is true.
  • The intro to this death is in motion.
  • Despite being #1000, it is not the final death in the series, because, as mentioned earlier, the series was renewed. The final death in the series is Phlegm Phatale.
  • For those deaths that appeared before and after the patient dying peacefully, they are all archive footage.
  • The pervert with his mouth taped shut who would die from a broken soda bottle lodged up his rectum may have been inspired by Mercury in Uranus.
  • Like Poly-Ass-Turd, the intro card is in motion.
  • It's also the only death where sound from the death is used in the intro card. (The man who sawed off his leg screaming)
  • Every death that was shown after the victim died were either from season 4 or season 5.
  • The unnamed old man is the second person in the series to die of old age and natural causes, with the first being Arthur from the death ReTired.

Foreign names[]

  • Finales Prematuros (Premature Endings) - Latin American, Pluto TV and Spanish dubs
  • Es geht auch Friedlich (It also goes Peacefully) - German dub
  • Prematuri na finalo (Ending on Prematures) - Lazoran dub

Segment Nicknames[]

  • Long Goodbye (Spike TV website)
  • Goodbye, Farewell and Amen
  • A Peaceful Ending
  • The Last Death Standing :(
Premature Endings

The kind man as he drifts off to a much better place, Heaven.

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