Sor-Dead Affair

Sor-Dead Affair

"Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you stuck in a rut? The following idiots have been known to cure everything, from moving cough to crotch blot. We got a house-sitter who flew the coop, a fitness instructor with a cruel streak, a prisoner who made a break for it, a sleepwalker who made a big splash, a sculptor who tried to mount his own work, and finally, the ER room from hell. If you got the disease, we have the cure. It's the next episode of 1000 Ways to Die."

"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 65.

Aired on February 29, 2012.

Title Pun: Sordid Affair.

A man sexes up a statue, a sleep walker goes for a swim, hot headed swimming instructor gets over heated, bad parrot sitter takes a fall, rioter gets the wind knocked out of him, and a man dies with a happy ending

Penis de Milo

Way to Die #911

Marcel

On March 28, 1993, in Montreal, Canada. A sculptor chiseling away at his latest project is dumped by his attention (and sex) starved wife. Lonely, the sculptor decides to chisel a vaginal opening at the base of the statue and have sex with it. Exhausted from having sex with his work of art, he tries to get up, only to find himself stuck on the statue due to priapism. The sculptor screams for help, but no one comes to his aid. The sculptor then tries to wriggle out of it. The sculptor manages to free himself, but not before his unfinished statue crashes down on his chest, causing flail chest by shattering his ribs and asphyxiating him.

Alt names - Sculpt-A-Death

Bad Laps

Way to Die #143

Sergeant Stu

On January 6, 2005, in Crystal Lake, IL. A drill sergeant turned swimming instructor for plus-sized women turns the heat up in the pool, much to the anger of his students. The instructor then throws down a challenge: if any of his students can outswim him, then he'll turn down the pool's temperature. Wearing his wetsuit, he jumps in, and after twenty laps, the exhausted trainees finally give up. However, the sergeant dies of hyperthermia caused by his wetsuit trapping the pool's heat and causing his heart to fail.

Alt names - Final Heat

Pris-un-done

Way to Die #181

Spider

On November 22, 1982, in New Mexico State Penitentiary. A serial killer organizes a riot against the prison guards. He waits for the crowd to move out of the area before holding a guard hostage with a shiv made from a screwdriver. When he gets held up by guards armed with tear gas guns, he threatens them, and they shoot tear gas at him. However, the canister hits the inmate in the neck, collapsing his trachea and killing him.

Alt names - Riot Whacked

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Prison Break".

Xmas-turbator

Way to Die #225

Ned

On November 5, 2003, in Fort Lauderdale, FL. A man with a passion for irritating his neighbors (and an ironic hatred for all things Christmas) sets up a garish, Christmas light display in his yard. His latest addition to his yard display is a booming sound system on the roof. After turning it on, he slips and gets his foot caught in the cord of the speaker system. After his cries for help go unheard, the man swings back and forth, but only succeeds in bashing his own head against the house and killing himself from extensive brain damage.

Alt names - Wreck the Halls

Polly Want To Crack Your Spine?

Way to Die #571

Lindsey

On August 23, 2001, in Carmel, IN. A house sitter named Lindsey instructed not to have guests over invites her boyfriend Michael to the Mesa's residence. When they are distracted by the owner's cockatoo during a make out session, she opens the birdcage and the bird and accidentally flies to the roof. When the house sitter leans over the balcony to try and grab the bird, she slips and eventually falls to her death where she end up landed onto a glass table, and cutting her carotid artery.

Alt names - House Pest

Deep Sleep (Walk)

Way to Die #393

Jessica

On May 26, 2008, in Long Beach, CA. A woman named who lives on a houseboat does not realize that she is a sleepwalker. When she sleepwalks, she eats raw vegetables or salads. During one of nightly walks the next night, she begins craving chocolate and sleepwalks out of her boat. She slips off the pier and plunges into water. And drowns before she can wake up.

Alt names - Grim Sleeper

Premature Endings

Way to Die #1000

A Good Man.

On March 13, 2011, at Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital. At a hospital filled with patients who are dead or near death from injuries and illnesses caused by their own stupidity or ignorance of conditions they never knew they had, a woman walks by the chaos to visit her elderly father (described as beloved, hard-working, and faithful to his family and friends) in hospice care, who dies peacefully in his sleep of old age with his daughter at his side. The narrator then looks back on all of the deaths on the show and concludes that the show is more of an instruction manual on how to live rather than a lurid docu-fiction on bizarre deaths.

Alt names - Long Goodbye

Note: This was intended as a series finale, but the show was renewed for another season. However the series renewal only lasted for two months due to workers strike on the day this episode was aired. This episode should been have an series finale, however the segment would had saved for Death, The Final Frontier. (Then none of this should be happen.)

Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".

Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.