Think Globally, Die Locally

Think Globally, Die Locally

"Hold on there, friends. Something smells funny. Is it the Chinese factory owner who thinks he can rap, or the mini-golfer who gets screwed by a grannie? There's a lottery winner who becomes a paranoid schizophrenic, and some dumb hipsters who go bowling. Is it the computer hacker who puts his heart into his work? Or maybe it's the abusive warden who becomes a one-man prison riot? Wait a second, I know what that smell is! It's the stench of death! And it's all over this next episode of 1000 Ways to Die!"

"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 68.

Originally aired March 19, 2012.

Title reference: A spoof to the saying "Think Globally Act Locally"

Note: This is the final episode to have Ron Perlman as narrator. From the final four episodes, Joe Irwin is credited as the narrator for death segments.

"A Chinese rapper gets grilled; a mini-golfer maxes out; a super lotto winner goes super nuts; a yoga teacher is a real gas; hipster goes down in slo-mo; a hacker gets hacked; a warden can't lock it down."

-- This is the Original Episode --

Grilled

Way to Die #407

Hung Lo

On February 26, 2006, in Shanghai, China. A Chinese jewelry sweatshop owner named Hung Lo who's obsessed with gangster rapping, bullies, teases, harasses, and provokes his workers into creating jewelry made with rosary peas (which contain a poisonous material called abrin). The workers get their revenge on him by making a gold grill lined with rosary peas, which poison and kill the owner when he begins wearing it.

Alt names - Bring-Bring

Hole 'n Done

Way to Die #279

Martin Manser

On October 1, 2002, in Flagstaff, AZ. An elderly professional wannabe golfer who now plays mini golf enters a tournament against a kindly old woman whom the crowd adores. In a rage after losing, the golfer hurls his putter at a scoreboard. The putter breaks and the sharp end impales the man in his heart, killing him.

Alt names - Foreskins

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Crazy Caddyshack"

Cross Bown'd

Way to Die #144

Logan Granfield

On January 15, 2007, in Pittsburgh, PA. A man who just won $78 million from a lottery ticket becomes delusional and paranoid. Along with the butler and the $1000-a-day hookers, the man also buys a crossbow to use against his alleged enemies. In his paranoia, he shoots an arrow at a self-portrait on the wall. When he tries to yank it off the wall, the man is electrocuted by a power line that was located inside the wall where his picture hung.

Alt names - Mega-Lo-Millionaire

Namas-dead

Way to Die #183

Betty

On June 16, 2010, in Taos, NM. A strict yoga instructor (played by Bria Roberts) bullies and grosses out her students with her constant flatulence. After a particularly disgusting session, the entire class decides to pack up and leave. In a frenzy, and still stuck with her leg behind her head from one of her yoga positions, she scuttles across the yoga studio, but falls down a flight of stairs and lands facedown in a meditation pool, knocking herself out. While unconscious, she inhales enough water to drown.

Alt names - Stench of Death

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Yoga Instruct-Dead"

Bowled Over

Way to Die #355 (Note: This is the second death to have this number)

Jared

On January 23, 2008, in East L.A.. A group of drunk hipster filmmakers are out one day recording themselves on a high-speed camera in the hopes of creating popular viral videos, when one gets the idea to film things being dropped from 80 ft. above them. With the cameraman on the ground, they first drop a watermelon, then an old TV, but when they drop a bowling ball, it shatters, sending a large shard in through the eye of the cameraman. The shard severs his medulla oblongata, resulting in massive bleeding, and he dies of exsanguination and organ failure.

Alt names - Exploding Bowling Ball

Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".

Hacked Off

Way to Die #371

Alton

On November 23, 2011, in Mill Valley, CA. A computer hacker hacks into his own pacemaker to manually control his own heartbeat. His bratty gamer neighbor is using a wireless video game controller. With the pacemaker vulnerable to any and all wireless waves, the hacker ends up dead when his neighbor stops playing the game, sending the man into cardiac arrest.

Alt names - Hack Attack

Note: This segment was based on a similar sense from Watch Dogs

War-done

Way to Die #253

Warden Hadley

On March 10, 2009, at Ohio Women's Prison. A heartless prison warden who just banned all forms of communication with the outside world to all the female convicts confiscates a box of cupcakes meant for one of the inmates. The warden eats one with blue frosting, which, unbeknownst to the warden, is laced with PCP. The drug takes effect and the warden flies into a delusional rage, acting like his German Shepherd guard dog, marching like a soldier, angrily attacking the other guards (who check up on him), and diving off his desk. One of the guards rolls in a flash grenade to distract the warden so they can capture him, but the flash grenade rolls too close to the warden's head and explodes, blowing the warden's skull open and frying his face.

Alt names - Headless Warden

Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Wacky Warden"

Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.