1000 Ways To Die Wiki

"Turtle Waxed", Way to Die #929, is a fifth death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.


Mr. and Mrs. Chow were out in the Mojave Park to look for animals. However, they weren't there to sketch wildlife. They were there to poach animals and sell them to illegal markets. When they spot a rare turtle, they think it would make a quick one-thousand dollars. Before Mr. Chow could grab the turtle, a bald eagle swoops down out of nowhere and picks the turtle up with its talons. The eagle tries to break the turtle's shell by dropping it at high altitude, but the turtle end up lands on Mr. Chow's head, breaking through his skull plates, and destroys the upper part of his cerebrum, taking out his ability to breathe, causing him to die of cardiac arrest twice. Meaning if one didn't kill him, the other did, thus sending him to hell for his crimes where he belongs. This ends up leaving his now-widowed wife, Mrs. Chow, screaming in horror. Miraculously, the turtle survives the fall and crawls away.

"It's the Chows' lucky day. They spot a rare mosaic back turtle. It's a black market jackpot. Between the shell and the meat, they could make a quick $1,000. Mr. Cho might know a good deal when he sees one, but he's no match for an eagle in the eyesight department. Before he can count his money, the raptor swoops down and flies off with his prize. To really make in the wildlife black market, you'd need some pretty thick skin. Chow could've used a thick skull as well."

Cast and Interviewees

  • Sean Roach - Wildlife Educator
  • Cary Y. Mizobe - Mr. Chow (lead: intended victim)
  • Monica Neak - Mrs. Chow (lead)


  • Also called "Turtle Shelled" on the Spike TV website.
  • This way to die is based on an urban myth about how Greek philosopher Aeschylus died.
  • This death has the record of the nearest deaths, beating Bad Max, Pornicated and Handi-Crapped, having 49 days away from the aired episode where the date was (Not counting the deleted deaths from season 1).
  • Mr. Chow's death is similar to that of Lumpy's death in Happy Tree Friends episodes, "Don't Yank My Chain".
  • Cary Y. Mizobe, Who Portrayed Mr. Chow, Also portrayed Black Wolf in Kara-Chokey.

Foreign names

  • Lanzamiento de Tortuga (Turtle Fling) - Latin American dub
  • La Venganza de la Tortuga (Turtle's Revenge) - Spanish dub
  • Cascudo na cabeça (shelled on the head) - Brazilian dub
  • Turtle Waxed.jpg