"Turtle Waxed", Way to Die #929, is a fifth death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.
Plot[]
Mr. and Mrs. Chow were out in the Mojave Park to look for animals. However, they weren't there to sketch wildlife. They were there to poach animals and sell them on the black market. When they spot a rare turtle, they think it would make thousands of dollars. Before Mr. Chow could grab the turtle, a bald eagle swoops down out of nowhere and snatches the turtle with its talons. The eagle tries to break the turtle's shell by dropping it at high altitude, only for it to end up lands on Mr. Chow's head instead, strong enough to break his skull plates, destroy the upper part of his cerebrum, revoking his ability to breathe causing him to die of cardiac arrest and sending this poacher straight to Hell where he belongs. Mrs. Chow screams in horror after witnessing her husband's corpse.
Transcript[]
([] is playing)
Narrator: When Mr. and Ms. Chow go for a hike, they're not looking at nature, they see dollar signs.
(Serious Suspense is playing, the Chows enter in the protected wildlife habitat, speed limit of 10 mph)
Narrator: The Chows sell bugs, birds, snakes and other critters on the wildlife black market.
(Mr. Chow catches the spider with a cup, closes the lid)
Narrator: It's a cutthroat business where the only thing that matters is the almighty dollar.
Sean Roach: The wild animal trade is a multibillion business worldwide. People go to great links to get these animals to sell these animals, plain it simple, they wanna make a profit. They don't care about the welfare of the animal, they gonna take that animal, and oftentimes, even if they trying to keep it alive, the animal is gonna die...!
(View of eagle, More Serious Suspense is playing)
Narrator: It looks like the Chows aren't the only ones on the hunt, a bald eagle is a formidable player on the food chain...
([] is playing, Ms. Chow saw a rare treasure...)
Narrator: It's the Chows' lucky day. They spot a rare mosaic back turtle.
(Mr. Chow crosses the river to catch that rare turtle)
Narrator: It's a black-market jackpot. Between the shell and the meat, they could make a quick $1,000. Mr. Chow might know a good deal when he sees one,
(Ostinato Death is playing, the eagle is about to catch that treasure as well)
Narrator: but he's no match for an eagle in the eyesight department. Before he can count his money,
(Mr. Chow was so close before the eagle finally captured the turtle)
Narrator: the big raptor swoops down and flies off with his prize.
(The Chows are upset for losing the treasure from the eagle, [] is playing)
Narrator: To really make it in the wildlife black market, you need some pretty thick skin. Chow could've used a thick skull as well.
(The eagle lets the turtle fall onto Mr. Chow's head, once hit, Mr. Chow collapses and dies)
Ms. Chow: (Screams of horror (Cracked))
(Replay of eagle capturing turtle, Ostinato Death is resuming)
Sean Roach: Birds can be very intelligent and we've actually seen eagles...swooping down and picking up turtles, taking 'em up, dropping them on hard surfaces, such as a rock face, to be able to break the carapace, the hard shell of the tortoise or turtle, and get into that nice meat.
(CGI turtle falls onto the human's skull, causing the brain to bleed and collapse, [] is playing)
Narrator: The turtle hit Chow's head so hard, it smashed through his skull plate, and destroyed the upper part of his cerebrum. This took out his ability to breathe and triggered cardiac arrest. Enough to kill him, twice.
(Replay of Mr. Chow gets hit by a falling turtle, recap of Mr. Chow capturing a spider)
Narrator: Mr. Chow made a nice living by ripping off Mother Nature.
(The eagle lets the turtle fall onto Mr. Chow's head)
Narrator: She returned the favor,
(Mr. Chow's dead, but the turtle survived the fall, [] is playing)
-Narrator: and made a nice death out of him.
-Ms. Chow: (Screams of horror (Cracked))
Cast and Interviewees[]
- Sean Roach - Wildlife Educator
- Cary Y. Mizobe - Mr. Chow (lead: intended victim)
- Miyuki Matsunaga - Mrs. Chow (lead)
Trivia[]
- Also called "Turtle Shelled" on the Spike TV website.
- This way to die is based on an urban myth about how Greek philosopher Aeschylus died.
- This death has the record of the nearest deaths, beating Bad Max, Pornicated and Handi-Crapped, having 49 days away from the aired episode where the date was (Not counting the deleted deaths from season 1).
- Mr. Chow's death is similar to that of Lumpy's death in Happy Tree Friends TV series episodes, "Don't Yank My Chain".
- Cary Y. Mizobe, who portrayed Mr. Chow, also portrayed Black Wolf in Kara-Chokey.
Foreign Names[]
- Lanzamiento de Tortuga (Turtle Launch) - Latin American Spanish dub
- La Venganza de la Tortuga (Turtle's Revenge) - European Spanish dub
- Cascudo na cabeça [The word "Cascudo" means both "Shelled" and "Noogie"] (Shelled to the Head) - Brazilian Portuguese dub
- Panzerknacker (Tank Cracker) - German dub
Segment Nicknames[]
- Turtle Shelled (Spike TV)
Gallery[]
