Way to Die #617
Name of the death is a pun on "USSR" and "You are dead"
Date October 12, 1989
Location Brighton Beach, NY
Episode this death
was featured in
"Putting A Smiley Face On Death"

"USSR-Dead", Way to Die #617, is the fifth death to be featured in "Putting A Smiley Face On Death", which aired on September 14, 2010.


Ivan, a Ukranian immigrant fresh off from the boat, seeks to join the Russian Mafia. At a meeting at the two mobsters' hideout, they arranged for him to murder some people for not paying their debts. Ivan's weapon of choice is a tire iron. He also seeks to collect on some debts. First came Larry; he was reminded to pay up. Next came Garth; he got bonked while making a deposit. And last came Gary; the brotherhood didn't approve of him or his late payments. After Ivan murdered them as ordered, he returned to the hideout and learned there was last task. It's a Russian Mafia equivalent of a manicure; burning the fingertips using sulfuric acid, as so not to leave behind any fingerprints. Once the mobsters burned off Ivan's fingertips, they decided to toast for Ivan joining the mafia, with some of vodka. Unfortunately for Ivan and the mobsters, they collapsed to the ground and died after a gulp. That wasn't the vodka they drank. It turns out that Boris, the mobsters' loyal, but senile bartender poured from the wrong bottle for a dose of fatality. The bottle he poured contained the acid. Like vodka, sulfuric acid is a colorless liquid. And after Ivan and the mobsters drank it, it dissolved their tissues and organs, disintegrated their vital organs, and left just the muscles and bones, killing them.

"How about one last toast for our fallen comrade? Up yours, scum-ski."


  • Richard Lichten - Retired Law Enforcement Lieutenant 
  • Laxet Anderson - Ivan (lead: intended victim) 

Segment Nickname

  • Fool's Russian (Spike TV website) 
  • The boss has anxiety 

Foreign names

  • Coctel Ruso (Russian Cocktail) - Latin American dub.
  • Soviético Sulfurado (Sulphured Soviet) - Spanish dub.