1000 Ways To Die Wiki

"You've Got Dead Male", Way to Die #294, is the third death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.


Jasper, a teenage vandal and lifelong punk, rides down the street with his girlfriend, leans out the passenger window and hits passing mailboxes with a baseball bat. One night, when Jasper was on a vandalism spree, one mailbox manages to withstand his baseball swing, after some confusion over why it didn't break, Jasper's girlfriend backs up the truck so he can hit it some more. He repeatedly whacks the mailbox with his bat, but the mailbox still didn't break.

"No matter how hard he swung, the box wouldn't budge. And then a flying shard from his broken bat landed Jasper on the disabled list... make that the deceased list."

It's revealed that the two vandals already visited this property a month ago, and the homeowner was a retired ironworker named Mr. Rivers. After the first attack, Mr. Rivers used his skills to reinforce his mailbox with a steel casing and stronger body, ensuring that it cannot be broken by a wooden bat. Mr. Rivers has some laughs watching Jasper futilely try to destroy the mailbox, but then, there comes a surprise that none of them expected: the wooden bat breaks, and a big splinter pierces Jasper through the heart, collapsing his lungs. He soon after dies of hypoxia, sending the mailbox-breaking vandal to hell. As his corpse slumps over the car door, his girlfriend is left horrified.

Cast and Interviewees

  • Ashley Brinkman - Jasper's Girlfriend (lead)
  • Henri C. Wittelsohn - Mr. Rivers (lead)
  • Ray Chao - Himself (Juvenile Probation Officer)
  • David Svoboda - Himself (EMT)
  • Unknown Actor - Jasper (uncredited: intended victim)


  • Also called "Face Plant" on the Spike TV website.
  • In the CSI TV Series, had a similar death case investigation, that two vandals are found dead by a car accident, investigating more the cause of the car accident was an impact caused by rebound because those two hit a reinforced mailbox in high speed.
  • this is similar to the injury of Tyler Colvin


  • When the splinter breaks off before stabbing, it can be seen that it flies past him.

Segment Nicknames

  • Face Plant (Spike TV)
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