"You've Got Dead Male", Way to Die #294, is the third death to be featured in "Dirt Nap", which aired on November 7, 2011.
Plot[]
Jasper was a 17 year old creep who had fun hitting mailboxes with a baseball bat.
Ray Chao: In terms of vandalism and property damage, th-there's typically about 600,000 cases per year in court, involving juveniles. According to the official definition by the FBI: Vandalism includes any destruction of private or public property.
With his girlfriend at the wheel, Jasper hit them all until a mailbox declared war on him. Jasper hit it but he stayed in his place so his girlfriend backed away so Jasper could hit him again, but what they didn't know was that they had destroyed that mailbox a month ago and the owner of the house, Mr. Rivers, was a retired steelworker, reinforced his mailbox so that it was invulnerable to wooden bats and at that moment, the mailbox was ready to take revenge. Jasper started hitting the mailbox, while his girlfriend and Mr. Rivers watched, then the mailbox defeated Jasper, the bat broke and a piece stuck into his chest of Jasper, putting him on the deceased list.
David Svoboda: When a bat shattered, creating a spear, that punctured the chest wall... created what we call "Suck in the chest wound". And also a tension pneumothorax which essentially collapsed the lung. Making it so the patient couldn't breathe. He wasn't able to get enough oxygen to his brain, which resulted in his death.
Sending him to Hell and leaving his grilfriend and Mr. Rivers horrified.
Narrator: Vandalism is a senseless act of destruction. Jasper thought it was funny. But in the end, he wasn't laughing... he was dead!
Transcript[]
(Footage of warriors on horse, [] is playing)
Narrator: In the 5th century, a Germanic tribe called the Vandals, helped destroy what was left of the Roman Empire.
(16 centuries later..., [] is playing)
Narrator: Fast forward 1600 years, and we have a modern-day version of the Vandal,
(Jasper smashes the mailbox with a bat, succeeds, hi-five to her GF)
Narrator: Jasper. Jasper was a 17 year old creep, who got his kicks by taking a baseball bat to neighborhood mailboxes.
(Jasper successfully smashed another mailbox, his GF screams of joy, [] is playing)
Ray Chao: In terms of vandalism and property damage, th-there's typically about 600,000 cases per year in court, involving juveniles. According to the official definition by the FBI: Vandalism includes any destruction of private or public property.
(Baroque Death Groove is playing)
Narrator: With his girlfriend behind the wheel, Jasper was batting a thousand. Until one box...
(Once Jasper hits the box, it doesn't break)
Narrator: threw him a curve ball.
-Jasper's GF: What happened? Come on, get it this time. I'm backing up, Go!
-Jasper: What do you want me to do? Back up!
Narrator: No matter how hard he swung, the box wouldn't budge.
Jasper's GF: Come on! Break it already.
(Something broke, but it's not the mailbox, the wooden bat shattered, [] is playing, the piece of it impaled Jasper's chest)
Narrator: And then a flying shard from his broken bat landed Jasper on the disabled list...
Jasper's GF: Jasper?
Narrator: make that the deceased list.
Jasper's GF: Jasper, oh my god! Ja-
(Flashback to that place, Grave Matters is playing)
Narrator: A month earlier, he and his girlfriend had laid waste to this very same mailbox...
(The homeowner picks up the shattered mailbox, wants now a revenge)
Narrator: on one of their vandalism sprees. Big mistake...!
(Mr. Rivers working on his new mailbox, Brass March To Death is playing)
Narrator: The homeowner, Mr. Rivers, was a retired steelworker. He reinforced his flimsy mailbox to make it bat-proof.
(When these youngsters came back, Mr. Rivers checks on Jasper tries to destroy the mailbox)
Narrator: Jasper took his licks, and the box took him down.
(Mr. Rivers has some laughs watching Jasper futilely try to destroy the mailbox, but then, there comes a surprise that none of them expected: the wooden bat breaks, [] is playing, and a big splinter pierces Jasper through the heart)
David Svoboda: When a bat shattered, creating a spear, that punctured the chest wall...
(CGI shows the bat shatters, creates its spear, impales the human's heart)
David Svoboda: created what we call "Suck in the chest wound". And also a tension pneumothorax which essentially collapsed the lung. Making it so the patient couldn't breathe. He wasn't able to get enough oxygen to his brain,
(Back to Jasper's corpse slumps over the car door)
David Svoboda: which resulted in his death.
(Recap of Jasper smashing mailboxes, [] is playing)
Narrator: Vandalism is a senseless act of destruction. Jasper thought it was funny.
(He repeatedly whacks the mailbox with his bat)
Narrator: But in the end, he wasn't laughing...
(but ends up shattering the bat, impaled his heart, dies)
Narrator: he was dead!
Cast and Interviewees[]
- Ashley Brinkman - Jasper's Girlfriend (Lead)
- Henri C. Wittelsohn - Mr. Rivers (Lead: Also Portrayed Gaston In Dyin' Maiden)
- Ray Chao - Himself (Juvenile Probation Officer)
- David Svoboda - Himself (EMT)
- Unknown Actor - Jasper (Uncredited: Intended victim)
Trivia[]
- Also called "Face Plant" on the Spike TV website.
- In the CSI TV Series, had a similar death case investigation, that two vandals are found dead by a car accident, investigating more the cause of the car accident was an impact caused by rebound because those two hit a reinforced mailbox in high speed.
- This is similar to the injury of Tyler Colvin.
- The death scene is similar to My Chemical Romance, as the victim bends on the obstacle and dies in front of the camera and the deathcard shows the side of the victim.
Goofs[]
- When the splinter breaks off before stabbing, it can be seen that it flies past him.
Segment Nicknames[]
- Face Plant (Spike TV)
- Bat-tle of the Mailbox
- Caught Mailed Handed
- Mail Order Death
Foreign Names[]
- La Carta de la Muerte (The Death's Letter) - Latin American Spanish dub
- Tienes una Carta de la Muerte (You've Got Death's Mail) - European Spanish dub
- Morto por Correspondência (Dead by Mail) - Brazilian dub
- Baseball für Doofe (Baseball for Dummies) - German dub
- Tinalaan Kuyalikan Karta (Traits Over Mail) - Lazoran dub
Gallery[]
